Whiny-Ass Republicans Don't WANNA Go To President Joe Biden's First Address To Congress

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In case you hadn't heard, President Joe Biden is giving his first address to Congress next Wednesday, which will roughly coincide with his 100th day in office. It's not a State of the Union, because those don't happen in a president's first year. And it's not going to be the same foofaraw it usually is, because of this damned pandemic.

Nevertheless, the show will go on!

But Punchbowl News reports that a number of Republicans don't WANNA go. "The GOP leadership tells us the appetite by the rank-and-file members to be there in person is nil," Punchbowl says, noting that the House isn't in session that day, which means some members would have to make special arrangements, even though they don't WANNA go in the first place, NEENER.

As far as GOP senators, Tom Cotton says "Ha. No comment."

Joni Ernst says "GOTTA CASTRATE A LIVE HOG THAT DAY, GOT SOME NEW BALL CLIPPERS AT THE FEED STORE, OOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Just kidding, she says, "Not that I'm aware of. I don't think I'll probably attend."

Josh Hawley says, "I don't know the answer to that" and "I haven't decided." He probably is just never sure whether he'll be busy helping incite a domestic terrorist attack against the Capitol on any given day, and if this event is also at the Capitol, that could just make things confusing.

Over in the House, Rep. Rodney Davis says, "I'm not going to go. They announced it late and we already have plans for our week not being here." (Oh fuck off.) Cathy McMorris Rodgers says "I haven't been invited." And it's true, not everybody is getting invited this year, because pandemic. Speaker Nancy Pelosi is giving out invites evenly between Rs and Ds, but some House Republicans are very upset about this and fired off a letter earlier this week demanding Pelosi reschedule the address for a time that's better for them and to please invite everyone. Pelosi has not seen fit to respond, presumably because fuck 'em.

But hey, some of them say they want to go! Jim Jordan wants to go! Maybe he wants to scream "You lie!" like that South Carolina redneck, or maybe he's secretly getting off on having Democrats tell him to go fuck rakes, and he's hoping Joe Biden will pin him to the mat too.

Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski is in, and Lindsey Graham says, "I don't agree with his policies but he's a fine man." Even Marsha Blackburn says, "I imagine we'll attend."

As for the whiny-asses, we figure we'll be hearing from people both-sides-ing over the next week about how some Democrats didn't go to Donald Trump's first State of the Union, or to his inauguration. And you know what? Good point, Chuck-Todd-Of-The-Future!

Just kidding, STFU, Chuck-Todd-Of-The-Future! Donald Trump was an un-American authoritarian white supremacist who lost the popular vote by millions in 2016, and it's increasingly clear he only pulled his Rust Belt squeaker in the Electoral College because of a direct pipeline between his campaign and Russian intelligence services.

Joe Biden, on the other hand, won the popular vote by approximately seven million and won the Electoral College by the same margin Russia won it in 2016. He is a legitimate president, and not an authoritarian un-American white supremacist. This is different.

Punchbowl notes that it's going to be quite a visual, as for the first time in the history of everything, the president will be flanked by TWO women. We're used to seeing Speaker Nancy Pelosi up there, but now she'll be sitting next to Vice President Kamala Harris.

So that'll be very cool.

Anyway, mark your calendars for next Wednesday night! Wonkette will be live-blogging it, we are sure, unless we don't, guess it'll just have to be a surprise.

[Punchbowl News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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