Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is a whiny fucking brat. There, we said it. We've been holding back haha no we haven't.

You know that thing preschoolers and conservative white men do when they're about to have a meltdown, and their faces start scrunching up, and they know it's coming, they can't control it, but they really don't want it to happen in front of their friends? Watch Ron DeSantis's face during a presser today, as he confronts a reporter WHAT WAS PICKIN' ON HIM about masks.

Yes, we know some of you will point out that that's just DeSantis's face and that he always looks like he just made accidental number twos in his OshKosh b'Gosh jumper and he can smell himself and he doesn't like it.

The specific question was about children who have ended up hospitalized, and that's when DeSantis's lip came out.


DeSANTIS: I find that DEPLORABLE to blame a victim who ends up being hospitalized. You don't know their story! You don't know what happened with that. And this has been a really negative thing throughout this whole thing with some of these quote 'experts,' some of the media, somebody contracts a highly transmissible airborne virus, and they're viewed as having done something wrong.

Only if they've actually done something wrong, like refuse vaccines or refuse to wear a mask to protect themselves and others. What's that, it's a "highly transmissible airborne virus"? Maybe you should make some rules about that.

DeSANTIS: We obviously have some people that are not vaccinated that have been admitted to hospitals. Are you going to sit there, are you going to sit there, and are you going to sit there and criticize, or we going to try to treat and try to help the folks?

Both. Both. Also both. (He asked if we were gonna sit there three times, so we figured he needed three answers.)

DeSANTIS: You know, I'm just sick of the judgment, the judgmental stuff on some of this stuff, nobody's trying to get ill here, okay?

Get a grip.

DeSANTIS: There's people that were hermits for a year and a half that wore six masks and did that and still contracted it. [...] Let's not indulge these things that somehow it's their fault.

Yes, there are people who were hermits and wore six masks and still got it. Is that most of the people who are getting hospitalized and dying and also spreading the Delta variant right now? Well, in Florida, 95 percent of the hospitalizations are among the unvaccinated. But never mind that! Following DeSantis's logic, we guess since Kathy Griffin has stage one lung cancer (get well soon!) and never smoked a cigarette in her life, we guess we should just absolve cigarettes of all responsibility for the millions of cases lung cancer they directly cause, and instead blame it on being a former cast member of "Suddenly Susan."

After all, some person Ron DeSantis may or may not be making up who wore six masks got it! Therefore all these thousands upon thousands upon thousands upon fucking thousands of people getting it right now who are primarily unvaccinated non-maskers, we should not bring any of that up. For the second time today, golly these white Republicans are bad at "party of personal responsibility."

As White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said today, half of the country's 50,000 current hospitalizations come from just four states, and Florida is almost a quarter. During the month of July, one of every five new COVID cases was Floridian. It's the highest risk place in the whole country. Wonkette noted yesterday that fewer than 50 percent of Floridians under 40 are vaccinated.

And what is Ron DeSantis doing about that, besides putting both thumbs in his anus and whine-begging everybody to stop being so judgy? Jackshit. He's making sure private businesses can't require vaccination proof, and making sure schools can't require masks, to protect kids not yet old enough to be vaccinated. He says he's gonna pull funding from any schools that try it!

But hey, he's fixin' the real problems, by banning trans kids from literally taking over every sport, which is definitely a thing, and by banning critical race theory from the schools, because do masks protect kids from that? They do not!

So if you're a child in a Florida hospital with COVID, relax, your governor's got you. Though your lungs may be sore, you will not have to endure the twin terrors of transgender kids trying out for the soccer team, or having to learn Black people exist. Oh yeah, and DeSantis helped rush through a new Jim Crow voter suppression bill earlier this year. Doesn't that make you feel better?

No? Well don't criticize or make fun of your governor about any of this, as he's a sensitive and pissy little shit who's currently feeling triggered.

In related Florida news, GOP Senator Rick Scott said today that the biggest issue facing Floridians right now is "inflation," which makes sense because Floridians are known for being such economists, just kidding, no they aren't, Rick Scott should go fuck himself with his own Batboy head and STFU.

OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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