White House Addresses Nation's Critical Shortage Of Biden


Some time ago -- last Thursday? last year? -- some"folks" were all HAI WHITE HOUSE WHY COME NO JOE BIDEN TEEVEE KARDASHIAN? Now, the White House has given us all the Biden we could ever want with its web series "Being Biden."

Unfortunately, it is Joe Biden rambling at a still picture of himself and nattering on about children who are murdered with guns, instead of sexxxy bedtime stories about his and Dr. Jill Biden's safe words.

So, Barack Obama's Internet Tyranny, great job on the listening to the people, A+ would do business with WhiteHouse.gov again! But C- on finally finding the ONLY JOE BIDEN STORY IN HISTORY that did not make us want to crawl into his lap and purr nonsensical kitten things.

But we at Wonket are nothing if not constructive and helpful, so let us point out, for the fine folk at Barack Obama's Magickal Stalin Propagandisphere, what they should be asking Joe Biden to tell rambling-grampy tales of:

This. Everyone wants to hear what he was whispering to the Happy Biker.

This. Everyone wants to hear what he was whispering to his knuckles, as he kissed them.

Throw in some hijinks with his old buddies and pals from the NAACP and the time he planted the forest in Old Man MacGillicuddy's front yard, and you got yourself a Ken Burns miniseries.

You are welcome, WhiteHouse.gov!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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