Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas is a No Pants, Grade-A Twat-sicle, and the White House knows it. He THINKS he went to Vienna and did a top secret investigation to uncover all kinds of shady side deals Obama did with Iran, like maybe he promised the Iranians could bomb one American city per year, as long as it's a little bomb and not a nuke. Of course, Ambassador Susan Rice had already explained to young Cotton that the side deals are not a secret, and that if he will just stop playing with his winkie in front of the class and sit still, he will get to go to the big boy congressional briefing, where they will tell him ALL about it. But that's not good enough for Cotton, because on top of not knowing his place, he's so dumb you could store all your dildos inside his skull cavity and still have room for TruckNutz.


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Anyhow, Cotton thinks he found big smoking gun secrets, but as usual, his "secrets" are just pebbles of poo he found in his Pull-ups, and the White House knows it:

White House spokesman Josh Earnest belittled Republican Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas as an “international man of mystery” Thursday following the lawmaker’s claim to have uncovered a secret side deal of the Iranian nuclear accord while on a mission to Europe — information Mr. Earnest contended was readily available on the Internet.

“I hope that Senator Cotton had a pleasant trip to Vienna, but his travel was not necessary to learn the information he claims to have obtained,” said Mr. Earnest, dubbing the freshman senator “Tom Cotton, international man of mystery” — a reference to the 1997 Austin Powers movie about a goofy, hipster secret agent.

Haha YA BURNT. You are bad at doing senator stuff, Tom Cotton, and everybody knows it. You are no man of mystery! You are a man of perpetually coming out of the bathroom with your dress tucked into your skidmarked underoos. Everybody sees you!

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Remember that time Cotton tried to make a smart on Twitter at the Iranian foreign minister, only to get made fun of a whole bunch by a foreign? That was so funny, bet his mommy's not very proud.

[Washington Times via The MaddowBlog]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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