Wholesome American Guts: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2013
We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs and Gus Van Sant back in 2006, and a lot of things have changed since then. We cannot possibly hope to match the grim depths of the 2010 / 2011 iterations of the prayer, so we know better than to even make the attempt. But this year, we definitely have a face to go with Burroughs' line about "decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces."
It is traditional for the head of the household -- except in Oklahoma, of course -- to lead the reading of this prayer before the family feasts upon the fruits of the harvest, or at least whatever canned items their Walmart coworkers have chipped in to give them. And then, it's either time to risk the death gauntlet at the big-box store, or to see if your employer (hah!) has any money-saving tips for you, like going on ebay and selling off a few Christmas presents for dessert.
So Happy Thanksgiving, America. May all your Hoverrounds come equipped with TruckNutz. May you return safely from your holiday travels without having actually punched any wingnut relatives in the nose. May your attempts to recite "Alice's Restaurant" from memory be at least 30% successful. May you see everything twice. Or maybe there are some things you don't even want to see once. May you get a pony. May you take heart that in many places in our land, families really will be starting the new year with health insurance for the first time. May you have plenty of reminders that not everything is terrible.
And remember to Buy (almost) Nothing tomorrow!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.