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Good morning! Is everything still horrible in Trump's America?


WHY, YES!! Yes it is!!

And today we have some next level shit to deal with. But we will get through it together with the internet's favorite coping mechanism, Porn Cat Photos. Meow!

Soon we'll be enjoying a BIG, BEAUTIFUL trade war with Mexico to fund the BIG, BEAUTIFUL WALL. But in the meantime, we'll have to content ourselves with paying taxes so men with guns can abuse random Hispanic people. Ugh, so unsatisfying!

Behold the baby ocelot, a big cat whose habitat will soon be sliced in half by a pointless, fucking wall.

Don't fret, because the Trump administration has come up with the COHERENTEST immigration plan ever to deal with those bad hombres. It has two main subsections.

I. Malevolent Incompetence; and

II. Incompetent Malevolence

On Tuesday, six armed ICE officials showed up in an El Paso County Courthouse to arrest a woman known as IEG. Why is she only identified by her initials? Because even Texas protects the identity of domestic violence victims, and IEG had just been granted a protective order against her abusive partner.

IEG had filed three police reports alleging that she had been punched, kicked, and chased with a knife. The woman's only criminal offense was reentering the US illegally after being deported. Also, too, getting the crap kicked out of her which is a crime in Texas probably.

Those SIX(!!!) ICE agents knew she was definitely a bad hombre.

How did they know? Well, they knew because THE GUY KICKING THE CRAP OUT OF HER CALLED THEM UP AND TOLD THEM that she could be found that very morning in the 65th District Court Family Court Section trying to protect herself from physical violence.

These ICE officers have earned that commendation for MALEVOLENT INCOMPETENCE by further punishing a victim of domestic violence and rewarding her abuser. And discouraging the reporting of crime by an entire community of vulnerable people is just above and beyond.

Full marks, Lads! Indeed, that is some A+ MALEVOLENT INCOMPETENCE.

But why should Texas have all the fun?!?!?!

This Sunday in Washington state, 23-year-old Daniel Ramirez Medina was at home asleep when ICE agents knocked on the door looking for his father.

Because this shitshow is already in court, we can quote the complaint filed on Medina's behalf.

Following his arrest, Mr. Ramirez's father granted the ICE officers permission to enter his home so that he could inform his two sons about his arrest. When the ICE agents entered the home, they asked Mr. Ramirez, 'Are you legally here?' Mr. Ramirez replied, 'Yes, I have a work permit.' On the recommendation of his brother (a DACA recipient who was also then present), Mr. Ramirez declined to answer additional questions at that time.

[It's not clear why these guys refer to Medina as Mr. Ramirez. But their leader made "Prime Minister Shinzo" crash a wedding. So cultural competence is obviously NBD. Editing to add: Unless we are wrong and it's a double Hispanic surname and Ramirez is his dad's name. "Prime Minister Shinzo" is still effing dumb, though.]

Mr. Medina (or Ramirez!) told them that he was brought to the US at age 7 and was thus eligible for a deferral of deportation proceedings under the Deferred Action for Child Arrivals program (DACA). He showed the agents his paperwork, issued by the federal government, staying his deportation and allowing him to work legally until May of 2018. The agents told Medina, "It doesn't matter because you weren't born here."

Wow, that seems pretty goddamn Incompetent. Can we add in some Malevolence?

“ICE officers took Mr Ramirez into custody based on his admitted gang affiliation and risk to public safety.”

[ICE Spokeswoman] Richeson declined to elaborate further on how ICE established the man was a member of a gang.

Oh, okay. The guy holding a work permit just volunteered that he was a gang member, so the men with guns HAD to take him into custody.

FUN FACT: DACA recipients pay a $495 fee and undergo an extensive background check every two years. The renewal states, "Unless terminated, this decision to defer removal action will remain in effect for 2 years from the date of this notice."

So, after stumbling upon a guy who had an actual license to be in America, these assholes arrested him and then called him a gang member to justify the fuckup. Impressive Incompetent Malevolence!

To be fair, these guidelines come straight from the top. Last month Donald Trump sat down with ABC to discuss his plans for the DACA program and the kids who were brought here as children.

They shouldn’t be very worried. They are here illegally. They shouldn’t be very worried. I do have a big heart. We’re going to take care of everybody. We’re going to have a very strong border. We’re gonna have a very solid border. Where you have great people that are here that have done a good job, they should be far less worried. We’ll be coming out with policy on that over the next period of four weeks.

Well, President You're Fired has a "big heart", so it's all good then, right?

We need all the kitties. STAT.

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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