Who's Hotter? SEXXXY CONOR LAMB Or Deformed Pig Baby Donald Trump Jr. Wearing A Hairnet?
LOL, we just said a joke question in our headline, because there is no such thing as a "who's hotter?" contest where Donald Trump Jr. wins. His face is too fucked up for that. Just look at it, and compare it to the picture above:
ANYWAY, as you all know, there is a special election in PA-18 today, between dashing sexxxy Democrat and former Marine Conor Lamb and some idiot Republican with a really high pitched voice who flaps his arms a lot named Rick Saccone. So, of course, while Lamb was off running a grown-up campaign on Monday, Donald Trump Jr. and Rick Saccone were wearing hairnets:
To be clear, they were wearing hairnets because they were at a candy factory, not because Junior got the head lice. (That we know of.)
If you need more exposure to Donald Trump Jr., you may click here for a video of his dumb ass going to Pound Town on a big bowl of ice cream while he tries not to answer questions about that time his dad got bing-bonged in the no-no hole by porn lady Stormy Daniels, ALLEGEDLY. It is good TV viewing.
So anyway, Conor Lamb! According to the latest Monmouth poll, Lamb is WINNING in this district that voted for Trump by 20 points, for Mitt Romney by 17, and for John McCain by 11. For a direct comparison, last time the district's former congressman, disgraced GOP idiot Tim Murphy, had an opponent, back in 2012, he won by 28 points.
Indeed, Lamb is leading Saccone in all of Monmouth's models:
Lamb holds a 51% to 45% lead over Saccone if turnout yields a Democratic surge similar to voting patterns seen in other special elections over the past year. [...] Lamb also has the edge using a historical midterm lower turnout model, albeit by a much smaller 49% to 47% margin. A model with higher turnout overall, similar to a presidential electorate, gives Lamb a 51% to 44% advantage.
NICE! And why is this happening? Is it because Democrats have all the momentum and Conor Lamb is a good candidate and Rick Saccone is an awkward piece of shit everybody hates, including Donald Trump? No! According to Pennsylvania GOP chairman Val DiGiorgio, it is because PA-18 is a "DEMOCRAT" district:
It stands to reason that Saccone, the crazy-pants loser who has been teling people he "was Trump before Trump was Trump," seems a little bit desperate here at the end of this campaign, in this "Democrat" district where Republicans always win by double digits. As Roll Call reports, Saccone ended his campaign by saying people who vote for Conor Lamb HATE GOD, because that is just obviously true:
Republican congressional candidate Rick Saccone asserted that his political opponents "hate" the president, the United States, and even God.
— NBC News (@NBCNews) March 13, 2018
“They say the other side is energized,” Saccone said in a video posted to Twitter by NBC News. “Let me tell you, they’re energized for hate for our president. They have a hatred for our president.”
“I’ve talked to so many of these on the left,” Saccone said. “And they have a hatred for our president. And I tell you, many of them have a hatred for our country.”
“I’ll tell you some more — my wife and I saw it again today: They have a hatred for God,” Saccone said. “It’s amazing. You see it when I’m talking to them. It’s disturbing to me.”
Know what's disturbing to us? RICK SACCONE'S FACE. (And also Donald Trump Jr.'s face, like come on, dude, what happened to your face? You can tell us. Was it cursed by a witch?)
So what's gonna happen tonight? Well, Wonkette is not a poll scientist, but we're gonna say ... Conor Lamb +3. If we are correct, GOD DAMN, we are the brilliant-est of all the Nate Silvers in America! If we're wrong, that prediction never happened.
Regardless, if you are in PA-18, get out there and vote your fucking ass off, and when you're done with that, drive little old ladies to the polls, but only the ones who swoon when they see a picture of Conor Lamb.
If you encounter a little old lady who swoons when she sees a picture of Donald Trump Jr. or Rick Saccone, back away slowly, because that is one weird old lady.
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