Why Are All These People On Fiverr Selling Spells To Make People Millionaires?

Snake Oil & General Woo
Screencap

On Monday, the Daily Mail ran an article about the appearance of several accounts on Fiverr offering to prevent or cure people of Coronavirus, with magic spells and what have you. While those offers have since been taken down from the site, the fact that they even existed in the first place should be concerning. As should the fact that QAnoners are encouraging people to drink bleach to cure it.

When I went over to Fiverr to check out the now-deleted coronavirus spells, I discovered that the site actually has an entire section devoted to "Spirituality and Healing" on which people are still making some pretty bizarre claims and asking people to pay them (sometimes a lot more than $5) to use their magic powers to do all sorts of things.

Here's one offering telepathy services!


For the low, low price of $25, this "divineenergies" guy will implant your wishes, thoughts, and feelings into another person's mind, which would be super terrifying were that possible. This particular offer has 4.9 stars on Fiverr, with over 300 sales, meaning that not only were there 300 people who thought, "Yeah, sure! Why not pay a guy to do telepathy?" but nearly all of them were very satisfied customers who thought it actually happened.

If you're looking for something equally ridiculous but slightly cheaper, you can have your inner child healed by "masterkenji" for $10.

Interestingly, both "masterkenji" and "divineenergies" are "8th generation psychics." I actually googled 8th generation psychic to see if that meant something new agey other than like, eight people in your family before you were psychic, but no. That is what it is, and apparently saying what generation psychic you are is par for the course with this stuff. I guess people who are into woo are really good at keeping records, because I could not tell you what people in my family were doing eight generations ago other than "general peasant stuff, probably."

But the thing I am truly most curious about, with regards to all of these magic spells, are the ones in which people claim to have a magic spell that will turn you into a millionaire. Like this one, from a woman named Tess who says she is the "High Priestess of the Mystic Lunar Coven of the Northeast."

She claims:

What you are viewing is the strongest money spell casting known to man. A casting cycle held by all 9 members of the Mystic Lunar Coven. We have dedicated our lives to creating the most dynamic, 100% guaranteed spell casting work in the world.

If you are SERIOUS about truly changing your life, you have found your destiny. We are ready to make it a reality for you.

A time tested & proven ELITE level magick ritual that will create an energetic dynamic within your spirit to attract money, luck, and huge success, every day of your life.

There is a huge amount of money in the world - Channeling it in to your life is a relatively easy thing to do. Why wait? You can live a life of abundance. Pay your bills on time, let the stress of daily life melt away. Soon you can forget what it is like to be stressed out about never having enough money. Wouldn't you rather run out of ways to SPEND money?

You only have one life to live. Why live it going from paycheck to paycheck?
We were meant to see and explore, to love, and to live freely, not live under the terrible financial circumstances that face us today in this world.

Take control of your life with our help!

It is 100 percent guaranteed. It'd be crazy NOT to do it!

Of course, not everyone just wants money — which is why there are special add-ons for power and fame.

So far, 144 people have bought this spell, meaning that this woman has made at least $9,360 from just this one offer.

According to the High Priestess, the spell she casts will open up your energetic avenues to fast money, which of course we all have.

With this spell I open up all energetic avenues to fast money. That could include any form of lottery, scratch off tickets, giveaways, contests, sweepstakes, an inheritance, found money, unexpected money in the mail, business opportunities, investing opportunities, and much more.

She also says it is 99% effective! Not 100 percent guaranteed like she said before!

We have a success rate of over 99% however, not matter how slight the chance, it's technically possible for a spell to fail. There are many reasons why. I will work with you to determine why, and will re-cast for you, for free, until your desires are met. You'll never be charged more money.

Now, I don't know about you, but if I paid some rando lady on the internet $65 bucks to do a spell and it actually worked and I became a millionaire in three months, I would totally mention that. To someone. At least on the reviews page! But I scrolled and I scrolled and I scrolled through reviews and there was nary a one. Lots of "Can't wait for my results" but not one "Oh shit, I am a millionaire now! This is crazy!"

Though "Psychic wins lottery" has been a joke since forever, it sure seems pretty strange that all of these people who claim to be able to do spells that turn people into millionaires in a few months are spending their days doing spells for people on Fiverr. In fact, it almost seems like that might be evidence that it is bullshit. You think they'd all be living in the lap of luxury, rather than toiling and handcrafting talismans all day like a sucker.

Unless, of course, the big secret is that you give them $65 and they tell you the way to prosperity is by going on Fiverr and claiming to have magic powers.

The issue here really is not people believing in this kind of stuff, or even people believing they can do magic. Everyone should believe what they want! The problem with this is that people are selling a service, for actual money, when they obviously cannot prove that they are able to perform that service. With nearly anything else one might sell, there's an actual product and reasonably expected result. There's none of that with these things. There are no other non-snake oil products or services where that is acceptable.

I know for an absolute fact that I have exactly zero magic powers, but I could go right now and set up an account on Fiverr, charge people money, and say I am doing spells for them or contacting their crush telepathically when I am in fact just hanging out in my pajamas, watching some bullshit on the ID Channel. There is nothing stopping me, and no way for people to even tell if I am a true believer or a scam artist or a little of both.

And sure, there's nothing that is forcing people to buy this stuff, either — but that doesn't mean it's OK to con them.

[Fiverr]

Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc