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It's pretty frakking recursive.


Oh, golly, now Starbucks has really done it. They've gone way past hurting Jesus's feelings by leaving Christmas scenes off holiday cups, or offending the Founders by asking people not to bring guns into their stores. They've done the worst possible thing now: They're going to hire people, those burnt-coffee bastards! Specifically refugee people, who are the most dangerous people there are! Starbucks chairman and CEO Howard Schultz announced the chain would hire 10,000 refugees over the next five years, in the 75 countries in which it does business.

Not surprisingly, this was terribly offensive to Trump supporters, who promptly called for a boycott of the coffee chain they're already boycotting because of the Jesus-less coffee cups, the gun thing, and the company's very timid suggestion that Donald Trump is not a nice person. That'll show Starbucks, which has the gall to hire a bunch of filthy terrorists instead of veterans or The Inner-City People.

This is one of our all-time favorite rightwing tropes -- they only discover they give a damn about vets or homeless people when someone wants to help refugees, as if there were a cosmic law saying it was impossible to help more than one group of humans at a time. Now, of course, as it happens, Starbucks already has a commitment to hire 10,000 vets in its U.S. stores, what with Starbucks being the kind of place that does stuff by the ten-thousands. (Starbucks says it's hired something over 8,000 vets so far, and is not dropping the program in favor of refugees.) Great Actor Scott Baio asked why the hell Starbucks is ignoring vets and blacks in favor of potential terror-barristas, damn them:

The company replied more politely than he might have expected, referring to webpages on their veterans outreach and their new shop in Ferguson, Missouri, as well as their commitment to open stores in other minority communities:

Oh, but those damned liberals didn't fool Scott Baio, not one bit, because he happens to know they're total hypocrites, like all liberals are. Sure, Starbucks may help vets and minorities like he originally asked about, but WHY IS STARBUCKS KILLING BABIES?

Mr. Baio did not specify whether he uses motorized goalposts, or has to move them manually.

He also retweeted this dumb thing:

Mind you, these are the same folks who want to eliminate family planning to punish sluts, cut food stamps and housing programs so takers will stop mooching off the system, and will inevitably show up in Deleted Comments to tell everyone who voted for Hillary Clinton that the freeloading is over and it's time for homeless bums to get a goddamn job. Unless maybe someone thinks a refugee might deserve to be allowed in the country. And of course the Flying Monkey Brigade completely ignores the detail that Starbucks refugee hiring will be worldwide -- why aren't they offering jobs to Americans in Berlin, huh?

In conclusion, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz was almost certainly going to be named Secretary of Labor by Hillary Clinton, and aren't we terribly lucky to instead have this wife-beating putz who wants to eliminate the minimum wage and also eliminate workers by replacing them with robots?

[NPR / Yahoo News / Business Insider / Seattle Times]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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