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What a wimp


Last week, Dr. Ben Carson -- alleged educated person, supposedly in possession of a functioning brain -- offered his innovative Hot Tips For How To Survive A Holocaust. First, man up with a military-grade arsenal so that when the Nazis come to genocide you, you can scream "Die, Nazi scum!" and pew-pew-pew them to death, take THAT, Hitler. If that fails, you can suggest to the entire Waffen-SS, as Carson claims to have done when he was held up at gunpoint in a Popeye's "organization" one time, "Pardon me, Mr. Nazi, but I believe you're looking for someone else to holocaust. Try that guy over there." See? It's almost too easy. If only all those dumb defeatocrat Jewishes had known what any common neurosurgeon understands, we could have avoided that whole unpleasant genocide, and today's Republicans would have to come up with an entirely different analogy for describing taxes, Obamacare, marriage equality, and abortion. Oh well. Hindsight and all.

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And speaking of hindsight:

Granted, hindsight is 20/20. But it turns out it was a bad idea for any Jew to have turned over a gun. It was a bad idea for any Jew to have boarded a train. It was a bad idea for any Jew to have passed through a gate into a camp. It was a bad idea for any Jew to do any work at any such camp. It was a bad idea for any Jew to not attempt to crush the skull or scratch out the eyes of any Nazi who turned his back for one moment. And every bullet that would have been fired into a Nazi coming to a doorway to confiscate a gun from a Jew would have been a sacred bullet.

A real hero would have just charged the bad guy with the gun

That Carsonesque 20/20 insight -- if only Jews had refused to cooperate and just stand there letting themselves be Holocausted like that -- comes from the shart-stenched "brain" of Fox News psychiatrist and (total coincidence!) Carson supporter and fundraiser Dr. Keith Ablow, in a column titled "Why Ben Carson is right about Jews, the Holocaust and guns."

In defense of his preferred presidential candidate, Dr. Ablow offers a creative historical assessment of what a bunch of fucking pussies those stupid Jewishes were. And lest you think Ablow doesn't know what he's talking about, he assures us that he "was born a Jew and [has] studied the Holocaust" and has "spoken before the Anti-Defamation League in the past." That would be the same ADL that told Dr. Carson to eat a bag of uncircumcised dicks for those fart sounds he excreted from his face about how Jews shoulda done a better job of shooting all the Nazis dead instead of, say, scribbling in their diaries. Naturally, Carson dismissed the ADL's criticism as "foolishness" because those dumb Jews certainly do not understand the real history of the Holocaust like how Dr. Ben Carson does. He's a fucking doctor, after all, and those dumb Jews are just the fortunate survivors of thousands of years of oppression and genocide and near extinction. What do they know?

They certainly don't know their Holocaust history like Dr. Keith Ablow, Holocaust-studier and Jew-talker, clearly does. "Granted," he writes, he "was not there." But he's pretty sure if he and Dr. Ben had been pallin' around Eastern Europe back in the day, they would have survived, by outwitting those Nazis with their tough talk and refusal to be murdered. When the Nazis came for them, guns pointed at their heads -- or, as was common practice, the heads of their children -- they would have bravely said, "No, I am not going with you or getting on that train or letting you shoot me and my whole family dead, because check out the size of my balls!" And, sure, checking out Jew junk was also common practice, with the uncut dicks spared and the circumcised ones stamped "Jew dick" and sent off to die, if not killed on the spot. If only those Jews had thought to suggest Nazis inspect some other fellow's genitals.

Clearly about to hand over his gun

It's all about mindset, ya see, and not having the typical Jew mindset of a fucking coward who won't fight back:

The mindset that Jews surrendered with their guns is far more important than the hardware they turned over: They surrendered the demonstrated intention, at all costs, to resist being deprived of liberty. If Jews in Germany had more actively resisted the Nazi party or the Nazi regime and had diagnosed it as a malignant and deadly cancer from the start, there would, indeed, have been a chance for the people of that country and the world to be moved to action by their bold refusal to be enslaved.

If only those Jews, who comprised a tiny percentage of the general population, had decided to be the good guys with the guns, they could have overpowered the massive army of bad guys with guns. And tanks. And concentration camps. And Zyklon B. And "Final Solutions." And the anti-Semitic population throughout Europe who gladly cooperated with Nazis (fuck you, Poland) because, contrary to other urban legends repeated recently by noted Holocaust expert Dr. Ben Carson, most people didn't have a problem with exterminating the entire Jewish race.

Of course, in mere reality, Jewish resistance confirmed Germans' fear that The Jews were out to persecute them. (Gosh, sound familiar?) The Nazis used news of the assassination of a German diplomat by a Brave Jew With A Gun as the pretext for Kristallnacht, and no German Gentiles seem to have said to themselves, "My, what an inspiring act of resistance to tyranny!" Instead, they all trooped down to join the synagogue burning and window smashing.

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Oh, but we aren't supposed to fact-check that nonsense because Carson only invoked Hitler because he "knew the left-wing would go crazy." Also, criticizing Carson's comments is, according to another Fox News dirtbag commentator, "almost a version of modern day slavery." Though we don't see how that's such a bad thing, because in hindsight, those slaves should not have so willingly allowed themselves to be enslaved and beaten and sold and tortured. Granted, we weren't there, but it turns out it was a bad idea for any African to cooperate with slave owners, so really, it's kind of their own fault, isn't it?

Why didn't they get up and fight back?

As Dr. Ablow concludes: "The wisest answer to a government that insists its citizens disarm is, 'Over my dead body.'" Perhaps Ablow, in his thorough studying of that era of history, did not come across any of the countless stories of Jews doing exactly that, to which the government replied, "OK, then," and killed them dead. See, for example, the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, when some tough guy Jews with sufficiently sized balls tried to fight against their oppressors and say, "Over my dead body," and 13,000 of them were killed, with the remaining survivors acting like a bunch of pussies and foolishly agreeing to be shipped off to a concentration camp, simply because several squads of SS had large-caliber machine guns trained on them. What cowards.

Perhaps Ablow, with his "born Jewish" expertise, is unfamiliar with the entire history of his fellow members of the tribe fighting against massive oppressive regimes, occasionally with miraculous success (Merry Chanukah, Dr. Ablow), but, as is almost always the case when tiny armies try to defend themselves against much bigger ones, losing. Badly.

Perhaps history is just plain wrong, though. Africans could have prevented their own enslavement, and Jews their own Holocaust (and their own Inquisition too, why not?) if only they'd had a Can Do attitude:

It would seem to be the end of any discussion and the beginning of active, heroic resistance. Because it is very hard to imagine that disempowering citizens by having them render themselves defenseless can lead to anything good. It is very likely a sign that the culture has fallen ill and that an epidemic of enslavement of one kind or another is on the horizon.

We'd invite Dr. Ben Carson and his vociferous defender to pick up a history book sometime. But oh, they say they already have. We'd suggest they have a conversation with a Holocaust survivor, to maybe learn a thing or two about how Jews resisted the fuck out of the Nazi regime, and still perished. But that seems unfair to any such remaining survivors. And given that both claim to be familiar with Holocaust History 101 already, and have somehow determined the lesson there is Be More Tougher Against Nazis, we'll go with our classic standby and ask Carson and Ablow to fuck themselves right in their eye sockets with a rusted piece of barb wire.

You know, the kind that encircled those concentration camps millions of Jews should have refused to die in, if only they'd had the balls.

[Fox News / images via David Waldman]

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