Why Did Ben Carson's Enemies Force Him To Shill For Quack Cancer Cure?

Uh, "submarines"? Is that a good answer?

Now that Dr. Ben Carson is the Republican Party's new daddy of the month, his enemies are out to get him. How? By hopping in their submarine time machines, apparently, and forcing him to use his reputation as a world-class neurosurgeon to tell people how to cure cancer and AIDS with this One Weird Trick!

Dr. Ben Carson on Tuesday suggested that a rival presidential campaign had leaked information about his relationship to a medical supplement company to a conservative news outlet in order to discredit him. [...]

“Well, they’re concerned about — that obviously comes from someone on that debate stage,” Carson told Bannon on Sirius XM's "Breitbart News Daily." “That’s a submarine that’s sent by them. They’re very concerned about me, and they’re using National Review as their political tool. That’s pretty obvious.”

We know the doctor is not a military expert -- despite his brilliant idea to defeat ISIS with the Second Amendment -- but perhaps he ought to at least watch The Hunt For Red October (RIP, Fred Thompson) to learn what a submarine is before he gets to lay hands on the big red button. If his broken brain can even retain new information anymore, that is.

Here's the part that makes us go GRRRRR. Ya see, the issue isn't who outed Carson for his decade-long relationship with Mannatech, the frauding Texas company that makes "nutritional supplements" to cure pesky things like cancer and AIDS. And it isn't that those mean liberals at CNBC asked him, "The fuck, doc?" at last week's Republican debate. That's actually a fair question because THE FUCK, DOC? 

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During the debate, Carson denied being involved with the company. Or, to put it another way, he fucking flat-out lied about it:

I didn’t have an involvement with them. That is total propaganda and this is what happens in our society. Total propaganda.

It wasn't total propaganda, though; it wasn't even partial propaganda. It was just a simple fact, which Carson still has refused to address. Probably because there's no good explanation for why the world-class brain doctor used his name and reputation to sell "supplements" to cure horrible and even incurable diseases.

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Dr. Ben Carson might not be a career politician, but he sure is a career Republican. So, just like lady rival Carly Fiorina, who blamed her most recent fact-checked lie on the Liberal Media, for pointing out that she was wrong, Carson would rather figure out how to put the blame elsewhere. In this case, on his opponents' submarines.

It's too bad the Carson team spent the weekend trying to unionize the other Republican candidates, so they could force future debate moderators to not ask such mean questions about candidates' records. Probably would have been a better use of time figuring out a smarter answer to the “Dr. Ben Carson: Professional Snake Oil Salesman” question — still pending, FYI — than wondering which of his enemies is trying to shove a Red October up his butt.



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