Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity Show Us Hunter Biden's Prime-Time Squirtle
Squirtle never asked for this.

Tucker Carlson did some extremely important journalisming last night in an interview with a Daily Mail reporter who exposed the shocking fact that Hunter Biden's recent memoir did not, in fact, tell all. For instance, reporter Josh Boswell says that videos and photos from Hunter Biden's laptop very definitely showed Hunter doing sex with prostitutes, and that isn't even in the book! To help make the point, Carlson helpfully ran, at 8:30 p.m. Eastern when children might definitely be in the room, a couple of the pics from the Daily Mail story, complete with a red circle of a little doggie that was on the bed at the time.

Also, here is another weird detail: Not only did Carlson's production team pixelate out the nipples of one woman, they also pixelated the swimsuits (or lingerie) both were wearing, suggesting they were more nekkid than they actually were. The Mail, by contrast, went with pixelating the faces and adding a classic black censorship bar over the nippular area. Strangely, the more-redacted photo looks a lot more like coitus is going on, while poor Squirtle the Pokemon had to witness it all.

Imagine that! You can find video of the segment at Mediaite.

So why was Tucker putting porns on national cable TV, at dinner time in many parts of the country? Well because the emails and images from the laptop (verified as authentic by Daily Mail forensic experts, no less) show that Hunter Biden did crimes maybe, like cavorting with prostitutes and also taking drugs, so why isn't he already in jail, and his dad impeached, huh? At least, that was what Carlson was "worried" about, because this is a very important scandal about Joe Biden, somehow, and Fox News favorite Matt Gaetz, a sitting congressman who may have paid for sex work with public Venmo payments, is LOOK AT HUNTER BIDEN. Sean Hannity got into the act later too.

Or maybe it was just more titillating than Tucker's 88th repetition of the warning that Democrats are trying to replace white people with a lot of scary Central Americans who aren't like you Fox viewers.

That "Great Replacement" conspiracy bullshit was explicitly invoked by multiple mass murderers, like the New Zealand mosque killer, the Pittsburgh synagogue shooter, and the El Paso Walmart killer, but Tucker didn't mention those; he just griped that "leftists" would be "hysterical" at his perfectly rational claim that Democrats seek to replace real American voters with "more obedient voters from the third world."

Yeah, why could anyone object? We'll just hysterically point out here that no, people who seek asylum in the US can't just automatically vote, though they may eventually become citizens. Also, we hear that people who immigrate to the United States are actually quite capable of thinking for themselves, at least unless they regularly watch Fox News.

Then again, Tucker has repeated that overtly white nationalist talking point so many times that maybe his viewers have become inured to it. So now he's apparently trying to find something else to stimulate their limbuses, which we are pretty sure should be a word.

In conclusion, we can only imagine that by mid-summer, Tucker Carlson will be showing pixelated porn videos too, for important political reporting purposes, because the limbuses demand it.

[Mediaite / Daily Mail / Guardian / Business Insider]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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