Why Doesn't Cory Booker Sexually Harass Women Better, Asks Dude Fired Just For Being Normal And Straight


An aide to New Jersey Republican senatorial candidate Steve Lonegan got himself fired yesterday following abizarre, obscenity-filled rant against Democratic candidate Cory Booker. When are political types going to realize that bizarre, obscenity-filled rants are serious business, and should best be left to professionals like Yr Wonkette? In the interview with Talking Points Memo's Hunter Walker, who is making rather a cottage industry of them, Lonegan staffer Rick Shaftan speculated that voters would reject Booker because of his tweeted flirtations with Lynsie Lee, a stripper in Oregon -- not because Booker chatted with a stripper, but because he failed to sexually harass Lee properly, which Shaftan considered pretty suspicious, and maybe even kind of faggy.

"It was just weird. I mean, to me, you know, hey, if he said, 'Hey, you got really hot breasts man, I'd love to suck on them.' Then like, yeah, cool. But like, he didn't say that," Shaftan explained. "It was like kind of like, I don't know, it was like what a gay guy would say to a stripper. It's the way he was talking to her. It's just like like there was no sexual interest at all. I don't know. To me, if I was single and you know like some stripper was tweeting me, I might take advantage of the perks of the office, you know?"

Rick Shaftan clearly knows how to talk to the ladies, is what Rick Shaftan is saying here. You talk to them like a dudebro frat boy, that's what they like! Especially the strippers, man, you gotta let those broads know that you like their tittays and want to grab 'em and motorboat those big ol' gazongas, you know?

We are going to go out on a limb here and suggest that that perhaps Mr. Shaftan is unaware that "You got really hot breasts I would love to suck on them" is not generally a winning gambit. While perhaps Cory Booker DOES know that? This observation comes to us from Yr Editrix, a known woman. Also, we have read Lynsie Lee's tumblr, where she replies to questions in this manner:

Anonymous: What is your fantasy? Also, can I give you it.

Lee: My fantasy is to pay off my student loans and buy a house. Yes you can do that for me.

So we are thinking that maybe Booker took the smarter approach. Instead of talking about her fantastic knockers like Shaftan would, Booker instead said a bunch of queer-sounding polite shit to Lee instead:

"And the East Coast loves you and by the East Coast, I mean me," Booker wrote to Lee.

"Well now I'm blushing :)," she replied.

"Its only fair," wrote Booker.

The fuck is THAT, man? Are you a player or not?

Following the revelation of the tweets in September, Booker's campaign downplayed the communication's significance, joking that "the most shocking thing about this story" is the fact that Lee works at a vegan strip club, because come on, vegan strip club? Booker himself said that he just likes to be on Twitter "listening to people and engaging with people no matter what their profession."

In the interview with Walker, Shaftan just couldn't get over Booker's unmanly failure to mention Lee's awesome mammalian protuberances, an oversight which Shaftan surmised would lead voters to question Booker's fitness for office:

"This is strange. It's just weird. ... It's like, 'I don't know who she is. I don't know anything about her.' Get the fuck out of here dude. You can't follow her Twitter page and not know she's got those great breasts. How do you fucking not know?" Shaftan said. "It's just too odd and people they just wonder, like, who does this guy really want to work for? Who's he representing?"

Seriously, New Jersey: Are you gonna vote for some wussy who demonstrates he hasn't got Game? Booker didn't even neg the broad, even!

Shaftan had a lot more to say, including the slightly weird analogy that Booker's not giving a damn about rumors that he's gay is a whole lot like Gary Hart's challenging reporters to follow him around when asked whether he was having an affair:

"Gary Hart was like on his way to the nomination and then you see this picture on the front of the National Enquirer. It's like, holy shit what a fucking idiot. ... Like what are you thinking? ... I've worked with people who like to have friends, girlfriends and shit, but they'll never get photographed with them, you know? It's like, they're very discreet and professional, you know? You kind of know, but it's not like sit on my lap, let me eat your pussy while you're sitting here," Shaftan said.

Hart: Tempting fate by daring reporters to catch him. Booker: Tempting fate by saying "So what?" Seriously, Republicans, until you can master analogies, just stop using them. It's embarrassing.

Friday evening, a few hours after TPM posted his insights, Shaftan was fired by the Lonegan campaign. Steve Lonegan said Shaftan's views

"are not reflective of my views or that of my campaign.

“His comments are distasteful and offensive, and his contract as a vendor for my campaign will be terminated immediately,”

Shaftan was unavailable for comment, but we're assuming he would have assessed Lonegan's firing him as too faggy for words. Also, Wonkette would like to congratulate Hunter Walker for his excellent timing in arranging an interview with Shaftan moments after he'd obviously downed several glasses of Auntie Wonkette's High-Test Shoe Polish & Social Lubricant.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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