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Why Spend $17.95 On ‘Erotic’ Obama Fan-Fic, When You Can Get Your Cow At Wonket For Free?

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National Review Onlineinforms us we can buy "erotic" "fan-fiction" about Barack and Michelle Obama for the low low price of just $17.95. Fuck that.


"Hello baby," said Barack Obama to his wife, Michelle Obama. Barack Obama was the president of the United States, and his wife, Michelle Obama, was the First Lady of the United States, because that is how it works in America, it is not like in England where Camilla Parker-Bowles does not get to be queen when her husband becomes the king, who knows why, because she wasn't a virgin or something? Anyway, weird. Barack Obama continued talking to his wife, Michelle Obama. "Come here and let me put my penis in you," he said. "Oh Barack Obama," said Michelle Obama. "I love it when you put your penis in me. I love it when we do sex, with our penises and our vaginas."

Barack Obama put his penis in Michelle Obama's vagina. He wiggled it around a bunch, until sperm came out, for making babies. "Thank you for the sex," said Barack, as he leered at Michelle Obama's very beautiful figure. "Now I will go kill Osama bin Laden."

Somewhere else, Old Handsome Joe Biden was having sex on his wife, Dr. Jill Biden. The sperm got EVERYWHERE. Like a firehose of sperm. Like a gushing river of firehoses of sperm, shot from a sperm cannon! "I love you, Dr. Jill Biden," said Joe Biden. "I love you too, Joe Biden," said Dr. Jill Biden. Then they cuddled a bunch, and then they had a snack.

Later, Barack Obama and Michelle Obama and Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden all went on a double date for burgers. They were very good friends, but not like "very good friends" like Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice, just very good friends who enjoyed each other's company and liked to get burgers. Nobody made any jokes about Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden "partnering" because Barack Obama and Michelle Obama and Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden are all nice people who do not make tacky jokes about each other or their sex lives, and if Barack Obama or Michelle Obama or Joe Biden or Dr. Jill Biden had any sort of secret fantasies about such a thing, they kept it to themselves, as is right and proper.

[UStar, via NRO]

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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