Will Trump Fire Robert Mueller? Find Out On Next Week's 'Celebrity Apprentice'!


One of the VERY STUPID things we've been covering this week is the rumor that Donald Trump might take steps to remove Robert Mueller as special prosecutor in the Trump-Russia investigation, as a just punishment for doing an independent investigation that might find that Trump or his pals colluded with Russia. In Trump's America, Trump is always innocent, because he is president! This was codified in the Grab Them By The Pussy Act, which Congress passed unanimously on Trump's inauguration day, which was witnessed by AT LEAST seven billion people.

Now, the New York Times has some GOSSIPS! for us, about what's really been going down in the White House since the fateful day Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein appointed a special prosecutor, just after Trump fired James Comey for failing to pledge allegiance to his tiny hands. Apparently Trump has been thinking about getting rid of Mueller since the beginning, but literally everybody has been pleading with him to, just this one time, refrain from cutting off his own balls and eating them in front of a horrified nation.

So Trump no fire Mueller right now. But ...

But people close to Mr. Trump say he is so volatile they cannot be sure that he will not change his mind about Mr. Mueller if he finds out anything to lead him to believe the investigation has been compromised. And his ability to endure a free-ranging investigation, directed by Mr. Mueller, that could raise questions about the legitimacy of his Electoral College victory, the topic that most provokes his rage, will be a critical test for a president who has continued on Twitter and elsewhere to flout the advice of his staff, friends and legal team.

So Trump won't fire Mueller, UNLESS Mueller compromises the investigation by unfairly conducting a thorough, independent investigation, or UNLESS Mueller finds something that suggests that Trump's puny Electoral College victory only happened because Russia's electors voted for Trump, a possibility that's starting to look more plausible, considering the news that Russia hacked much further into our election system than we knew. (In 39 states! That we know of!)

Basically, as long as Mueller stays away from the truth, he's good. And it seems Trump is just trying to casually obstruct justice, in a very sneaky way, by keeping secret who won this season of "Celebrity Apprentice" whether or not he really wants Mueller fired:

The president was pleased by the ambiguity of his position on Mr. Mueller, and thinks the possibility of being fired will focus the veteran prosecutor on delivering what the president desires most: a blanket public exoneration.

Good God, Trump has no fucking clue what he's up against with a loyal, devoted public servant like Mueller, does he? He thinks by keeping him in suspense, Mueller will stay on the straight and narrow and find Trump innocent, to keep his job. Fun fact: REGARDLESS of what he finds, Mueller will be out of a job after the investigation, because it'll be OVER. (He'll probably go back to his law firm.)

But don't worry, it's all OK! The NYT reports that Blessed Reince Priebus and White House counsel Don McGahn are telling Trump not to fire Mueller, and that even Jared Kushner and Melania are like "Slow your roll, Puss-Daddy!"

Rod Rosenstein said in Senate testimony this week that he sees no cause for firing Mueller, and that he wouldn't obey an order to do so unless Trump came up with a really good (AND LAWFUL) reason. And Attorney General Jeff Sessions said in his own Senate testimony Tuesday that the decision would be Rosenstein's, since he's recused from the Trump-Russia investigation for reasons that have NOTHING to do with making slutty advances at the Russian ambassador a bunch of times.

Lawfare has a nice 'splainer on what would happen if Trump actually tried to get the ball rolling on firing Mueller. Shorter version: It's complicated, but doable, but it would be fucking disastrous, not only for American democracy, but also for Trump's presidency. So he probably won't fire Mueller, if only because his attention span is too short to complete such an endeavor.




Yeah but is Trump dumb enough to pull some shit like that?

[wonkbar]<a href="http://www.wonkette.com/618552/is-donald-trump-fuckin-stupid-enough-to-fire-robert-mueller-of-course-he-is"></a>[/wonkbar]YES HE IS, AS YOU EXPLAINED IN A POST YESTERDAY, WHICH YOU ALSO ENDED WITH YOUR ANNOYING LITTLE "OR WILL HE?" GAME. WHY DON'T YOU JUST COPY/PASTE ALL YOUR POSTS, WONKETTE?

Maybe we will!


Or would we?

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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