Wingnut Fox Pastor: Jesus Wasn't Some Mexican-Loving, Sunflower Seed-Munching Pussy
Sunday's "Fox & Friends" featured a discussion on illegal immigration (something new and different), and the focus was on churches doing that whole bleeding heart "when I was hungry, you fed me" thing with illegals, as opposed to immediately calling authorities and turning in those damn Messican aliens. And because the network is Fair And Balanced, it called two extremely conservative wingnuts to debate the issue, Dr. Richard Land of the Southern Evangelical Seminary, and Robert Jeffress, pastor of Dallas's First Baptist megachurch, who's a real whore when it comes to getting to go on the teevee. Somehow, there was distance between the two, because whereas Land says that when hungry people show up at a church, YOU FEED THEM, Jeffress is pretty sure that Jesus never said anything about feeding the hungry, and besides, he doesn't want to worship some kind of made-up faggot Jesus like that anyway:
"Look, a lot of these liberal churches that harbor illegal immigrants who are criminals say they are following the example of Jesus, the only problem is they are following the Jesus of their imagination rather than the Jesus of the Bible," he insisted. "Jesus was not this wimpy little guy who walked around munching sunflower seeds and saying nice things to people."
"The real Jesus of the Bible said 'render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's,' that is obey the government," Jeffress continued, adding that the "real Jesus" cared more about American citizens who were victims of violent crimes committed by immigrants.
So many selective interpretations of so many texts, Pastor! Now, we will grant that the idea that Jesus spent all his days eating sunflower seeds and just bein' a sweetheart is decidedly unbiblical, but that's about the only part Jeffress got correct. There was not a moment during the Sermon On The Mount where Jesus had to take a break to pick shells out of his teeth.
BUT actually Jesus was all about feeding some hungry people, INCLUDING FOREIGNS, all the time. Like here and here and here and here and here. And here. And Jesus's dad was pretty into the concept as well, when he wasn't busy being ill-tempered in an Old Testament kind of way.
AND! Jeffress seems to be pretty selective about what he wishes to "render unto Caesar." Like, is he obeying the government when it comes to the Supreme Court's marriage equality ruling? Fuck no, why would he do that? And how does he feel about our current Caesar, Barack Hussein Obama? Oh, he just says Obama's the precursor to the anti-Christ:
"I want you to hear me tonight, I am not saying that President Obama is the Antichrist, I am not saying that at all. One reason I know he's not the Antichrist is the Antichrist is going to have much higher poll numbers when he comes," said Jeffress in 2012.
"President Obama is not the Antichrist. But what I am saying is this: the course he is choosing to lead our nation is paving the way for the future reign of the Antichrist."
But when you can find a way to "obey the government" that involves hating Messicans? Then by all means, kick your legs in the air and let Caesar have a good rendering!
[ Crooks & Liars ]
Ugh. The only redeeming value of Christianity®©™ is the followers who do good works, be it feeding the hungry or offering sanctuary to those who will be killed/tortured if they return to their home country.
"Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s" actually refers to dry cleaning. This is substantiated by the second line of the parable, "and render these things with light starch only, but never before Tuesday".
You see Jesus was a shit carpenter, so he had to run a laundry business on the side to make ends meet. It really wasn't his fault. He lived in the desert for Christ's sake. He didn't have his pick of the fine maple or majestic walnut trees. He was working with nothing but a couple of scrawny fig trees and the occasional burning bush. I mean he could knock out a bunch of knick-knacks or maybe a spindly old stool or two, but he wasn't doing the high-end cabinet work. Let me tell you, you can't feed 12 Apostles and run a new religious movement with that kind of product. So like many immigrants he went into the laundry business and Caesar was his best client.