Wingnuts Ambush John McCain Demanding He Retract 'Hobbits' Insult

Roving gangs of unruly Arizona Teatardsshowed up to a John McCain town hall meeting to do the usual: holler and gnash their teeth and complain about the price of scooter fuel and double deep fried Oreos. Not news! But the butthurt contingent of lunatics also demanded that WALNUTS apologize for that one recent time he called them "hobbits," which is laffable becausewe are called worse things than this on most days and still find that funny. That is probably what makes us "librul," come to think of it. Anyway, sorry, WALNUTS, your constituent ranks are swollen with humorless racist conspiracy-theorist doofuses. Try running for Harry Reid's seat next time, we hear showgirls and chippendale dancers still mysteriously prefer bland white olds to maniac Tea Party screamers, and the election night party is probably better.

To the credit of WALNUTS, he refused to apologize and told everyone he was just "reading" someone else's written-down words when he said "hobbits," which... probably you can realize where everyone got tripped up with his explanation.


Kelly Townsend, a Gilbert resident and member of the Greater Phoenix Tea Party, demanded that McCain apologize for a comment made last month on the Senate floor about "tea party hobbits."

The remark came during the heated debt-ceiling debate when McCain was reading from a Wall Street Journal editorial.

"What I'm here to do is ask you for your apology . . . because that was very clumsy of you," Townsend said, adding that many tea-party followers were offended by the comment.

At first, McCain became defensive. "Is there anything wrong that I said?" McCain asked. "I don't know what to apologize for."

McCain explained he was reading from a Wall Street Journal editorial, and he meant the notion of passing a balanced-budget amendment now is fantasy, like hobbits.

"I'm sorry if it was misunderstood," McCain said. "I'm not sorry for what I said. I mean, why should I when it's the fact?"

This was entirely lost on the crowd, who went on to complain that the United Nations Agenda 21 is trying to steal their guns and livestock and Bibles and lawn ornaments with their socialist army of anal-probing robots, no joke, do not ever joke about that. []


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