Wingnuts Peeing Themselves In Hilarity Over Climate Change March, 'Science'

New York City hosted a bigClimate Change protest on Sunday, and that's cool and all, because raising awareness and solidarity and all that. There were hippies and signs and moms with kids in strollers and probably big protest puppets, we bet, because we're pretty sure those are required by Saul Alinsky. The march was held to draw attention to the United Nations Climate Summit beginning tomorrow, and in terms of concrete change, sure, it didn't make the problem go away, and wingnuts all had a fine time calling the participants terrible hypocrites if they got to New York by any means other than a bicycle -- and if they rode bicycles, then wingnuts mocked them for those silly spandex pants.

The march occasioned much rightwing dudgeon, of course, both high and low. The nine full-time employees of Twitchy promoted a "brilliant way to troll climate change whackos" -- just call them "climate evolution deniers," which we suppose means that climate scientists are just too stupid to recognize that the climate is evolving, bringing forth a better Earth that's going to be just great for farming in the arctic and where ships won't have to take time-wasting detours around small island nations anymore. And so what if a few species, including maybe us, die out? Also, because John Oliver mocked climate change deniers, people who say that climate change exists are just morons who get their news from "Comedy Central" (nine full-time staffers at Twitchy and not one pointed out that Oliver is on HBO?). Wow, Climate Evolution Deniers, YA BURNT!

Also, if you march against climate change, you are a bad person, because "The Other March" that's happening this week is the exodus of Kurds being pushed out of Syria by ISIS. Pfft, and you thought the stupid climate mattered.

The scientific sages at the Wall Street Journal, on the other hand, got serious about Science, and tossed up a piece by Steven Koonin with a headline that is actually 100% true if you don't mind it also being bullshit: "Climate Science Is Not Settled" -- this actually is accurate, insofar as you could also say "Mars Science Is Not Settled" or "Cancer Science Is Not Settled" or "name a science here Science is Not Settled." Science is never settled -- that's the point. But some things are settled to a degree that is about as close to certainty that you may as well call it settled, and the fact that debate continues about the details doesn't prove that the basic facts are in doubt. And of course, once you get past the headline (which plenty won't), Koonin actually acknowledges that the Earth is getting warmer and that humans have caused it to happen. He doesn't question the basic fact that CO2 emissions and other human activities have accelerated warming. After that, Koonin gets into the really beautiful quasi-denialist stuff to argue that it's just too soon to even think about doing anything, because we don't yet know how to predict future climate changes.

Koonin's also remarkably disingenuous on at least one point, downplaying the significance of human contributions to climate:

For example, human additions to carbon dioxide in the atmosphere by the middle of the 21st century are expected to directly shift the atmosphere's natural greenhouse effect by only 1% to 2%. Since the climate system is highly variable on its own, that smallness sets a very high bar for confidently projecting the consequences of human influences.

As an argument for doing nothing about carbon emissions, that's pretty crappy; considering that small shifts in atmospheric greenhouse gasses can have huge effects on the overall climate -- for instance, the extra warming already happening is melting the Arctic permafrost and releasing even more "natural" greenhouse gasses, accelerating the warming effects. And so it goes, with example after example of stuff that isn't completely settled yet -- but that is likely to only get worse if we don't stop pouring more carbon into the atmosphere. If Koonin were arguing against some of the more extreme suggestions for geoengineering -- like, for instance, attempting to change the atmosphere's reflectivity by releasing aerosols into the upper atmosphere -- we'd be more convinced. But essentially, Koonin is saying we don't know everything, so let's not be hasty about doing anything (and yes, we're oversimplifying a bit. Not much. We can't quantify the precise degree to which we're oversimplifying, so ignore this blogpost).

Glenn Beck's Home for Chronic Bedwetters leaves science behind altogether and just freaks out about the most scariest lefty-est messages they could find in coverage of the march. Pearls were clutched and couches were fainted upon over these monstrous examples of people who clearly Hate America:

  • Dozens of signs denouncing capitalism were spotted at the demonstration, often held by self-proclaimed socialists.“Capitalism is destroying the planet,” a sticker on one woman’s shirt read, “We need revolution, nothing less.”
  • In one instance, activists shouted “f**k the police,” demanding justice for the shooting of 18-year-old Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri.
  • An individual with the socialist newspaper “The Militant” was selling newspapers to attendees, while Occupy Wall Street members asked for “donations” in exchange for shirts.
  • Members of the Socialists Workers Party also manned a table, passing out flyers attempting to make “the case for ecosocialism.”

Needless to say, if you ever see Holocaust denial books being sold at a gun show, THOSE are outliers, but the radical socialist reds are obviously at the center of this whole "Climate Change" fraud.

And the Stupidest Man on the Internet, Jim Hoft, completely disproved climate science forever by pointing out that there was trash left in the streets following the marches in New York and London. He even copied this Twitter retweet, rather missing the tone of the reply:

Hoft's devastating commentary on the fact that large numbers of people generate piles of stuff:

Because nothing says, “I care about the environment,” like leaving heaps of trash for someone else to deal with.

We're convinced. Gonna go trade in the Prius and get a Diesel RAM pickup so we can ROLL COAL.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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