Donate

We got your back, Handsome Joe.


Finally, after weeks and weeks and WEEKS AND FUCKING WEEKS of know-nothing speculation, we have our answer. Old Handsome Joe Biden is not running for president, and would like to spend some more time grieving his recently deceased son, can you all just go the fuck away please? At least that's the news as Wonkette sees it from our perch in the real world.

But not for (allegedly!) closet-case quisling shit-stirrer Matt Drudge. This is how he sees it in his self-loathing brain:

That's creative. Because GET IT? Hillary Clinton is a lady-witch with the double whammy superpowers of not only being a CLINTON but also a WITCH LADY VAGINA-HAVER, therefore #jokes.

Are other wingnuts taking the opportunity to sit down and shut their pansy fucking mouths for once and show some common human sympathy for a man whose son died tragically and far too young of cancer, just a short while ago? THE FUCK YOU SAY.

For starters, Ben Shapiro's mom didn't raise him to be a good person, unless she did and he came by his assholishness directly from his real father, Satan. Here's what the snarling, diarrhea-swilling brat, who's scared of getting beated up by transgender ladies, had to say about Biden's announcement. Are you ready for SO MANY TWEETS FROM BEN SHAPIRO?

HAHAHA SO FUNNY OUR KNEES ARE TO BE BRUISING FROM SLAPPING THEM. And fuck you, asshole. As yr Editrix quipped on the Twatter-machine, we guess Biden should have used his son's funeral and today's announcement to bash Obama, the way the Virgin Ben would have done, because remember that time Ben managed to combine the announcement of his child's birth AND bitchy, childish sneering at the president in ONE TWEET? (Yeah, we just called him the "Virgin Ben" and mentioned his child's birth in the same sentence. Draw your own irresponsible conclusions.)

[contextly_sidebar id="fPGIrU5lvTBVJBjPjYuAqgH8DdGLG0P4"]

We cannot believe we're about to say this, but to cleanse ourselves from Ben Shapiro yet again prematurely ejaculating on his Twitter-box, we now turn to Erick Erickson, a person we're fairly certain has never been accused of being a "palate cleanser," except at certain truck stop men's rooms (ALLEGEDLY!):

Um. OK. Well! Credit where it's due: That is a very nice thing to say, Erick Erickson! Very different from when he's talking about fat lesbians getting the ebola dollars and LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE HE EVER SAYS.

Meghan McCain said a thing:

Good job Saying A Thing, Meghan. Collect your paycheck on the way out.

If you were hoping the Republican candidates would be syphilitic lumps of bull feces about it, meh, we are very sorry. They are all too excited about running against Hillary for real now, because she is the real Benghazi email terrorist or whatever, and they all, pitifully, think they have a chance against her.

You excited, Trump?

That's not actually terrible. The next one is just fucking PITIFUL, and we'd feel sorry for unhyphenated sack of definitely-not-immigrant farts Bobby Jindal if we weren't too busy LOLing at him:

And Piyush's wife responded, "That's right honey! You're gonna WIN now! Quiet, children, stop laughing and be nice to your daddy. Isn't your daddy going to be president???" And then the whole Jindal family fell over giggling.

In a similar vein, Jeb Bush's communications director had this to say:

Oh, honeybear. The only thing that would be "Good for Jeb #analysis" would be if Jeb Bush woke up tomorrow morning as Literally Anybody But Jeb Bush. But way to keep that chin up, we're sure it goddamn sucks having to go to work every day and work for that loser.

Mike Huckabee tweeted that he's the only candidate who's "defeated the Clinton machine," which is AHEM NOT TRUE, unless you're using a really loose definition of "Clinton machine," and you're completely not remembering how Bill Clinton was elected president in 1992 and Huck didn't become governor of Arkansas until 1996. Anyway, GOOD WIN AGAINST THE CLINTONS, dumbass.

Speaking of Hitlery the She-Devil witch, this is how she responded:

“Joe Biden is a good man and a great Vice President. Serving alongside him in the Senate and then the administration, I saw first-hand his passion for our country and our people. Like millions of others, I admire his devotion to family, his grace in grief, his grit and determination on behalf of the middle class, and his unyielding faith in America’s promise. As Vice President, Joe has been by President Obama’s side for every pivotal decision. He helped save the auto industry and pull our economy back from the brink of depression. He continues to fight for higher wages, safer communities, and a more peaceful world. It’s a record to be proud of, defend, and build on.  And I am confident that history isn’t finished with Joe Biden. As he said today, there is more work to do. And if I know Joe, he will always be on the front-lines, always fighting for all of us.”

And that's how you do #Classy, motherfuckers.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc