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Wingnuts Worried Their Anusburgers Sacrificed To Wrong 'Demon-God'

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Watch out, American Jesus fans! According to a couple of wingnuts somewhere, the poop-snausage pizza you're eating from the Papa John's might've beensacrificed to the wrong Demon-God! W-w-whut? It's apparently true! Jews and Muslims, besides both being Semitic people of the Hebraic traditions, also like to have their factory-farmed animals killed in the industrial slaughterhouse by undocumented Mexicans in special ways. It makes it taste better, we guess? But did you know there is a scary problem for American Jesus Christians when meat is "lawful" for the various foreign religions? Some random anti-Muslim evangelical and a noted crazy person on the Internet are both concerned about this problem! For example, the Costco is doing "backdoor Sharia" by, uh, selling slaughtered animals that have been blessed by the Ayatollah or something? Not Costco, jesus christ!


From, obviously, World Net Daily:

When you bite into a delicious pizza, succulent sandwich or luscious lamb chops, are you possibly eating food that has been sacrificed to idols?

An outspoken American pastor says yes, and he's sounding the alarm for Christians to be aware of the Islamic influence he calls "backdoor Shariah" now nibbling its way across the fruited plain.

See, we didn't even make up "backdoor Shariah." We didn't need to.

It's not just the Costco 200-packs of Halal Lamb Tacos that have the wingnuts up in arms. They can't even go get their usual five or six "footlongs" from the Subway franchise these days, without maybe eating secret Muslim meat! Writes "award-winning journalist" Joe Kovacs at the WND website: "Connecticut-based Subway, which has more than 23,000 sandwich shops in the U.S. and nearly 34,000 worldwide, is proud to be offering halal food in communities where there's a demand for it."

Demand for it, eh? We've got two decade-old holes in the ground in the community of Manhattan that demand vengeance against these idolators' cold cuts, that's what!

The real problem, according to ridiculous ass-clown bigot Bryan Fischer, is that when you say the Jewish/Christian god's name in the wrong Semitic language, that god instantly turns into a Hell Monster. This is probably in a recent rewrite of the Bible, or a Chick Tract!

In England, which is already an Islamic Republic, every type of anusburger or "bangers 'n mash" are already worshiping the wrong make-believe deity:

Even fast-food joints like Domino’s Pizza, Pizza Hut, KFC, and Subway are using halal meat, but they aren’t telling their customers about it either. Domino’s, for instance, has been serving halal chicken for 10 years in 580 outlets across the fruited U.K. plan. Folks in hospitals, schools, and pubs across the U.K. have been eating food that has first been blessed in the name of the demon-God Allah but know nothing about it.

The demon-God Allah sounds so much more awesome than the faggedy-ass war-losing American demon-God, that's for sure! We'll have our chicken-butt nuggets Halal style ... for winners! [World Nut Daily]

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Photo by Wonkette Operative 'Captain Dirt'

Welcome to another edition of Yr Sunday Nice Things feature, where we take a break from the daily craziness so we can decompress for a little while. Today, we're going to relax with the ineffable mental calm that comes from an oddly rectangular English cow. It's really beautiful to see what can happen when people all over the internet come together to collaborate on a little art project. We call it...

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