Wisconsin’s Dumbest Flock To Bars While Still In Their Quarantine Jammies


The Wisconsin Supreme Court struck down the state's stay-at-home order Wednesday, as a poke in eye to liberal tyrant Gov. Tony Evers, and within hours, people had packed reopened bars to celebrate good times and spread COVID-19. The virus itself probably bought a few rounds for folks in appreciation of human stupidity.

Nick's on 2nd in Platteville posted this photo on Twitter, which the media claims “went viral," and you know, maybe we need a new term for that concept.

Yeah, that is indeed a cramped space with not-the-best ventilation, and everyone's right on top of each other. Although the Wisconsin Supreme Court allowed bars to reopen, it didn't also issue a retraining order against COVID-19, which wouldn't have much legal force anyway. The patrons at Nick's are partying like it's 1999 (that's also the body temperature they're likely to reach in a couple weeks).

The Tavern League told bars they could "OPEN IMMEDIATELY" after the ruling, while gently suggesting they follow WEDC guidelines for reopening businesses. This includes employees and customers wearing masks and social distancing. Masks for patrons are a challenge in a bar or restaurant, but no one's even bothering to social distance at Nick's. People are going to get very sick. If someone dies, do they get their photo on the wall next to the person who ate the most cheesy fries in one sitting? Even if you don't care about people's health, how is this good for the longterm economic health of an establishment. I've seen Yelp vendettas against restaurants that just gave someone food poisoning. Fouling a toilet for 24 hours is nothing compared to two weeks in the ICU.

Local officials can still implement stay-at-home orders, so a Wisconsin city mayor has more power than the governor? Weird. Milwaukee, Dane County, and Brown County are keeping the old rules in place, though without a statewide mandate, this should have the same efficacy as the old smoking and non- sections on airplanes.

The libertarian, small government conservative position is that people can behave like responsible adults without the nanny state telling them what to do. As Nietzsche once said, "the proof of such a claim is lacking." But most Wisconsinites are free to ignore a public health crisis and get smashed at a bar like the good old days. FREEDOM! They can also get their hair cut again! LIBERTY! Salon owners aren't even forced to challenge the governor's stay-at-home order on bullshit religious grounds.

Jessica Netzel, the owner of Kingdom Kuts in Appleton, filed a suit Tuesday arguing that Evers's order violated her ability to practice her religion. She couldn't attend in-person religious services nor continue operating her Christian-based children's hair salon, which at least isn't called “Klassy Kingdom Kuts."

"Ms. Netzel sincerely believes that she is to share her faith with others through her work at Kingdom Kuts," her attorney, Joseph Voiland, wrote in the lawsuit.

LOL. What Jackie Chiles lawyer gave her this idea? Back in April, Netzel had complained on Facebook that the stay-at-home order was hurting her financially. She reopened her business that caters to children because she needed the money, which is understandable but not very Jesus-y. Jesus would've just told her that “there will be poor always, pathetically struggling." She posted videos of the police showing up and warning her that she was breaking the law.


NETZEL: I reiterate. I'm not tasering people into the salon. They are willingly coming in as is their constitutional right. We are all grown ups and can decide if we feel safe getting a haircut.

Do white people really not understand how the nation's drug laws work? Providing an unlawful service isn't suddenly OK because people willingly paying for it. That's just not how anything works. No one's charging her with child abduction and forced bowl cuts. They are asking her to not jeopardize the health of her community.

People who claim they are “grown ups" usually do so as a defense against their choosing to behave childishly. Not everyone is a selfish buffoon, though. Some businesses are choosing not to open until it's safe. Unfortunately, when dealing with a highly contagious disease, we're all trapped in a pool where people insist on peeing. No matter what we do, it's only a matter of time before we're swimming in a pool full of piss.

[USA Today / Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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