Wise, Kind And Handsome Donald Trump Promises 'Health Insurance For Everybody'

The plan is this guy. He'll be everyone's doctor.

Exciting news from TrumpWorld: Donald Trump has figured out how to solve all of America's health insurance problems, by repealing the Affordable Care Act immediately and replacing it with what he promises will be "insurance for everybody," although you may be slightly uneasy that he hasn't said how that would work. He laid out the non-details in an interview Saturday with the Washington Post, explaining that Congress would definitely pass it, because he's the president, see, and they have to do what he says. We think it's kind of cute how the Post story keeps a straight face while talking about Trump's "plan," saying it might "face questions from the right" when the biggest question is "does it exist at all?" Apparently he will fix everything by yelling at pharmaceutical companies, which he says have been "politically protected, but not anymore." So that should do the trick.

Still, the Post gamely plays along, pointing out the basic problem with the American health "system":

The objectives of broadening access to insurance and lowering health-care costs have always been in conflict, and it remains unclear how the plan that the incoming administration is designing — or ones that will emerge on Capitol Hill — would address that tension.

Very true, especially when we have no idea what the TrumpCare "plan" will be, and we'll only find out what it is after the Senate confirms Tom Price as his nominee for head of HHS. The one thing we know about Tom Price is that he's deeply committed to privatizing Medicare and turning Medicaid into block grants, and looks forward to helping healthcare providers bankrupt seniors. And now, on top of those, providing "insurance for everybody."

Maybe Trump means "insurance for everybody" the way Paul Ryan means it, which is that everyone can buy insurance as long as they have enough money to buy insurance, or as Ryan calls that, "universal access." But Trump apparently is going to really, really cover everyone, for less money, and lower deductibles. He wouldn't just spout empty blather to a major newspaper about that, would he?

Trump said his plan for replacing most aspects of Obama’s health-care law is all but finished. Although he was coy about its details — “lower numbers, much lower deductibles” — he said he is ready to unveil it alongside Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.).

“It’s very much formulated down to the final strokes. We haven’t put it in quite yet but we’re going to be doing it soon,” Trump said.

Perhaps President Trump and Congress could fund "risk corridors," or some other detail that would hold down "numbers" and "deductibles," which Democrats unaccountably neglected to do when Republicans passed legislation fucking the risk corridors right in the ear.

And what other details did he share about his "plan"? Well for one thing, it will definitely pass, because, he says, "The Congress can’t get cold feet because the people will not let that happen," so that's taken care of. We aren't sure how well Congress responds to being spammed with pictures of a cartoon frog putting Congress in a gas chamber, but we know Trump can definitely mobilize that. It'll also be such a terrific plan that it'll easily pass in both the House and Senate, although Mr. Trump "declined to discuss how he would court wary Democrats." Apparently he will unleash the power of one tweet to accomplish this:

“I think we will get approval. I won’t tell you how, but we will get approval. You see what’s happened in the House in recent weeks,” Trump said, referencing his tweet during a House Republican move to gut their independent ethics office, which along with widespread constituent outrage was cited by some members as a reason the gambit failed.

As to that "insurance for everybody" part, here are the details as Trump gave them to the Post. For one thing, it's not going to just be Obamacare with some adjustments. It's also not going to be single-payer. But what will it be?

“We’re going to have insurance for everybody,” Trump said. “There was a philosophy in some circles that if you can’t pay for it, you don’t get it. That’s not going to happen with us.” People covered under the law “can expect to have great health care. It will be in a much simplified form. Much less expensive and much better.”

For some reason, we're suddenly thinking of that scene in Catch-22 where Yossarian gets sick of Milo Minderbinder endlessly claiming that his huge business is enormously successful, and everybody has a share. Yossarian points out he hasn't seen anyone but Milo benefit from the scheme, and then, to prove his sincerity, Milo solemnly writes "ONE SHARE" on a piece of paper and gives it to Yossarian.

We're gonna love our new insurance. We'll all have it! It will be much simplified. And boy, is it going to be terrific. You just wait and see.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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