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These guys'll do it.Bigot folk, have the fruits and nuts been demanding that you hand over your plaid slipcovered couch, for them to pork on? Well you have a hero in Wonkette favorite Gordon Klingenschmitt, who used his "Pray In Jesus Name" program on the infernal radio machine toCOME TO YOUR RESCUE!


First, how is Satan buttfucking in your good Christian home today?

"There are also evil spirits influencing them to come after the church and we've got to stand up, not necessarily against the humans, we've got to stand up against Satan, who is inside of them."

Satan is IN THEIR BUTTS. But that seems better than when Satan was inside animals, and that is why animals are gay, which is also a thing Gordon Klingenschmitt said. Oh, did I forget to mention Gordon Klingenschmitt is an elected representative for the state of Colorado? Good job guys!

But back to now, with the gays doing sex in each other's bottoms, right there on your crocheted doily:

"There is a spirit of persecution that is coming out of this homosexual movement," Klingenschmitt said, "and it's not enough that they get weddings in their own private churches, they want to come to your church, they want to come to your business, they might even come to your home — if you are a bed and breakfast owner, they'll come right into your home and demand to have sex in your guest bedroom and there's nothing you can do, they say, to deny them service because they have a right to violate your freedom."

Wait, this whole thing was about gay people fucking IN THE BEDROOM THEY RENTED BECAUSE YOU HAVE A B&B? Don't want people fucking on your grandma's quilt, DON'T HAVE A BED AND BREAKFAST, IDJITS. People fuck in B&B's! It is what they do! They usually try to do it quietly, because they are freaked out that your cats might hear. And they usually try to do it without much of a mess, because you have really nice sheets. So if Klingenschmitt's point was "THEY WILL PLAY REALLY LOUD RAVE MUSIC while fucking in your guest room," then yeah, that would be rude and you should ask them to munch box or do things with their dicks more quietly like.

But if you don't want gay people fucking in your "guest room," DON'T RENT OUT YOUR FUCKING GUEST ROOM. Don't rent it to gay guys. Don't rent it to interracial couples. Don't rent it to whites or Asians or blacks or Spanishes. Don't rent it to lesbians, unless you have a couple projects around the house you needed some help with.

It's not your guest room. It's your business. Now go bake some goddamn muffins, the gays are hungry from all that sex in your lovely (but drafty? maybe a bit fussy?) Victorian home. Lie back and think of your Yelp reviews.

[RightWingWatch]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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