400 aclu anne coulter bill kristol dylan roof Foursquare george zimmerman hannity harry reid Humayun Khan iran isil john mccain katrina pierson Kelly Ayote mike huckabee Obama pt Newz Brief Sam Clovis trump twitter
Wonkagenda: Friday, August 5th, 2016
Morning, Wonkers! Here's some of the newz yr Wonkette may be 'splainering to you today!
- Former CIA Director under Bush and Obama just endorsed Clinton because he thinks Trump was recruited by Putin as "an unwitting agent of the Russian Federation." HA!
- You know that $400 million in blood money Prez. B. Barry Bamz gave to those Godless unAmerican Muzzies for hostages? Trump saw a video that doesn't exist, then admitted he was WRONG for the FIRST TIME EVER, Glen Beck thinks it's worse than Iran-Contra (SPOILER: it's not), and Bamz himself is confused about why you're confused and think this is a thing and not just some stale bullshit between lawyers.
- Trump's late night Twitter rant against Obama's press conference only reaffirmed that he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about when he sputters his way through geopolitics, history, economics, and disregards his own pattern of ridiculing, harassing, restricting and intimidating the press.
- Mike Pence FINALLY endorses John McCain (oh, and Kelly Ayote) under huffed breath while kicking a can down the train tracks with his head hung low and hands shoved deep in his pockets. Parents just don't understand! Gee whiz!
- The social media stalkers at Foursquare have been studying their data, and numbers, and people, and are saying that Trump's presidential bid is hurting his business. SHOCKING!
- Sean Hannity is full of butthurt after a rightwing newz rag called him "Fox News' dumbest anchor."
- That two-time loser and unimaginative jackass Mick Huckabee is jumping back on the birther wagon.
- LOL Bill Kristol doesn't like Trump, and doesn't know why Paul Ryan has such a cheese-boner for him.
- Six-foot bawking human-chicken Anne Coulter says Democrats want to make America a bunch of freedom hatin' Muzzies. She's probably just mad the ACLU is out of pocket constitutions. Don't worry though, yr Wonkette intern found a multi-format digital pocket Quran if you want to wave one of those around.
- Sam Clovis, Trump's National co-chair, told teevee news people that he wasn't throwing Katrina Pierson under the bus for lying about Obama's involvement in the 2004 death of Humayun Khan, because he was about to steamroll her make-up encrusted ass.
- Obama wrote a feminist essay in a lady magazine because he's so in LURV with the ladies. He should just marry one if he lurvs them so much! Oh, wait...
- Harry Reid's Nevada Senate seat is being targeted by the Koch brothers who have nothing better to do than to burn multi-millions on being jerks. Tell your friends.
- That South Carolina racist dickhole who shot up a church (and will continue to remain nameless) got beated up in jail, probably because he's a racist dickhole.
- Florida man punches George Zimmerman in the face at a restaurant. Yes, the commenting rules still apply.
- And, here's some quick morning Nice Times for you!