Morning Wonkers, here's some of the stories that may grace the pages of yr Wonkette today!

• Donald Trump continues to be outsmarted by Khizr and Ghazala Khan, reducing Mike Pence to the janitor that cleans up his bosses word vomit.
• Will outspoken Berner and Ohio state Senator Nina Turner be Jill Stein's Veep, and will anyone care?
• Not only was the DNC and the DCCC breached, Hillary Clinton's campaign is reporting a hack too, and they're blaming the Rooskies!
• Donald Trump HATES firefighters because they pulled his fat ass out of a stalled elevator.
• The Commission on Presidential Debates told Trump and the RNC to shut the hell up and stop complaining about presidential debates interfering with sportsball.
• Bernie Sanders is saying to calm the hell down, and look at the big picture.
• LOL Rand Paul is broke. Maybe he should audit himself?
• New Jersey Senator Robert Menendez was denied an appeal for bribery charges. Let's all point and laugh at this huge scumbag!
• Charles Koch might hate Trump, but he hates Hillary Clinton more because she has a filthy liberal vagina.
• David Duke wants to fight for "Europeran Americans" in the Senate.
• Mark Cuban has entered the rich guy pissing contest with Trump and Bloomberg after calling Trump a "jagoff." Pittsburghers cheered, or booed, or whatever it is Pittsburghers do (they boo Santa).