Good Morning, wonkers! Here are some of the stories that may grace the pages of your Wonkette today!

• Donald Trump officially became the Republican nominee for president last night. White nationalists couldn't be happier, they finally have something to hang on to.
• Preparing for a string of huge embarrassing failures, the youngest and whitest men in the Republican party are already salivating for a 2020 presidential run. Oh, ye of little faith!
• We're not done beating Melania Trump's bootleg speech to death because that shit is just too funny.
• Donald Trump Jr. copied his stepmom and copied part of his speech too! Remember, kids, cheaters ALWAYS prosper.
• Ben Carson went and cranked his crazy up to 11 last night and seriously implied that Hillary Clinton is a Satanist. Remember: this man is a pediatric neurosurgeon who ran for president.
• Roger Ailes is about to get booted out of Fox News for being a bit rapey, and Fox News teevee people might start their own network, with explosions, and freedoms, and eagles, or whatever.
• Filthy shitwaffle Milo Yiannopoulos is permanently suspended from Twitter for being a racist, bottom-feeding opportunist (with shitty hair).
• Latino teevee people are not a fan of Mike Pence because he's bestest friends with Donald Trump.
• Some Senators feel super icky about Trump, so they're trying not to make a big deal about it by just avoiding the big, wig-wearing elephant in the room.
• Everyone loves our Barry Bamz SO much right now (except Melania, she loves Michelle)!
• #NeverTrumpers made one, final last gasp (for Ted Cruz) yesterday afternoon, only to be reminded that everybody hates Ted Cruz.
• Republicans don't just hate Washington D.C. lobbyists and politicians, they hate D.C. residents, and D.C.'s GOP delegates too.
• The great mystery behind just who is Andy Wist was solved last night. Spoiler alert: he's just some asshole who talks a little funny.