Wonket Weekend Roundup: Stories You Should Check Out Because Somehow You Don't Read Everything


It is Saturday -- if you didn't notice, and are still in the office, that is why it's so quiet near your cubicle -- and so it's time once again for our weekly Best Of The Wonkets, or at least our weekly Most Shared on the Facebooks of the Wonkets, which we figure has to be the same thing, since as anyone who's readTwilight knows, popularity = quality. Is there a story that you really liked that you don't see on this listicle? Then by golly, make sure you "share" your faves on Facebook, so that you may better influence next week's outcomes! Also, stop your whining, it's very unbecoming.

And so with no further ado, your Top Ten stories of the week, and for a change it's actually ten, because no ties. And for laffs, we'll even list the number of "shares" for each of the top three stories.

10: Last Saturday, Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon declared a state of emergency and curfew in Ferguson. That sure quieted things down, didn't it?

9: We found out that St. Louis County Police weren't all that interested in "investigating" the shooting of a woman at a Mike Brown rally, but they were kind enough to drop by the hospital and seize the bullet that was taken from her forehead. For safe keeping. Maybe they'll even open a file on the case some day.

8: Also in Ferguson, Officer Go Fuck Yourself went and got himself suspended, merely for pointing his gun at a bunch of nonviolent protesters and saying he was going to fucking kill them all. But shouldn't the crowd have asked itself what it had done to provoke him? Unarmed protesters are sometimes awfully selfish that way.

7: Two different Ku Klux Klan groups got into a shouting match over whether the KKK should be raising money for Darren Wilson, the cop who shot Andrew Michael Brown. (Ed. note--Dok was anxious to get to his nap) The fight wasn't about whether killing a black kid was good or bad -- it was more about who got to call themselves a "legitimate" KKK group.

6: Rick Perry went and got himself indicted, the poor guy. It'll probably blow over. Can't you see he's just being persecuted?

5: Peace and reconciliation expert Mark Fuhrman had thoughts about how Michael Brown was almost as deadly a thug as Rodney King. Also, he's pretty sure Brown fractured Officer Wilson's whole face before Wilson fortuitously managed to shoot Brown dead from 20 feet away.

4:We watched a pretty sweet video promoting marriage equality in Ireland. It's a horror movie parody imagining a nice couple hiding out after the Gaypocalypse, and it's just perfect. Go watch it.

3: Sarah Palin figures Tina Fey owes her everything, because Sarah Palin is A Idiot. (160 shares)

2: We learned that when it comes to immigrant children seeking asylum, there are actual consequences to the attitude that if they're not our kids, they're not our problem. (300 shares)

1: The St. Louis County Police finally released their official report in the Michael Brown shooting. It was a model of brevity, but a little thin on plot. (373 shares)

Go, click, catch up, and remember to share your faves this week. We've got to leverage our social media presence in order to dominate our demographic and enhance our parameters.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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