The Best Part Of Waking Up Is Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten ... On Your Screen?

The Best Part Of Waking Up Is Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten ... On Your Screen?

This furry buddy is a friend of Wonkette operative Rico!

Good morning!

How are you all doing this weekend? Excited about Britney being freed or Steve Bannon being indicted or some combination of the two?

You know what I've got for you all this morning? No, it is not a recording of the time I sang a Folger's jingle for some guy trying to sell a Folger's jingle (I do not actually know what happened to that, but I got paid, so ...) to Folger's. It is the theme song to the Sweet Valley High audiobooks. For years, the world made me think I made this song up, until my former boss at The Frisky was like "Oh no, that absolutely was a thing" and then we finally found it on YouTube at some point.

It is a terrible song, but also it is hilarious. Enjoy!

Sweet Valley High - "Sweet Valley High" Original Theme Song (Audio Cassette Book)

I hope you enjoyed that and that it will inspire some lovely convos among many of you about how Enid was the worst.

Anyway, here are your top ten posts of the week!

10. Hey Hun, Kyrsten Sinema Has An Exciting Work-From-Home Business Opportunity For You!

9. $3600 For Josie And Pussycats Videos, Pls Halp Wonkette Our Family Is Dying

8. Cancel Culture Martyrs Announce Anti-Woke 'University' In Texas

7. How Many Ways Did The Stable Genius Bone The Census? All The Ways.

6. Trumpy Senate Candidate Sean Parnell Seems ... Like Someone Trump Would Endorse All Right!

5. Fine Here Is Your Kurt Vonnegut, On The First Armistice Day Since The Latest War Ended

4. Big Bird Got Vaxxed, And Ted Cruz, Usual Assholes, Being Usual Assholes About It

3. Ask Not For Whom The Subpoena Tolls, Trump Staffers. It Tolls For You.

2. Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Sage Counsel!

1. Reuters Helpfully Finds Bunch Of The Radicalized Idiots Threatening Elections Officials. Thanks, Reuters!

Did reading these stories give you a sudden urge to shower us with money and jewels? If so, you can join our Patreon, or buy our merch, or do your Amazon shopping through our link, or even send a check in the mail to


PO Box 361

Polson MT 59860

or use this handy widget below! Just click the amount you want to donate, click one-time or monthly, and then be sure to click "Paypal" if you are Paypal or "Stripe" if you are not Paypal, or your money will not go through!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc