It ain't rocket science...

"The articles load slow on my Nokia Flip Phone."

"Wonkette runs so slowly, it is being overtaken by glaciers."

"I fucking hate your site and hope that you die."

You, our dear Wonketariat, have filled our inboxes with stories of woe, and I, your humble Shypixel, have heard your lament! And boy have I heard it. And heard it. And heard it. (Did I tell you how I got trapped by a nice lady at the San Francisco Drinky Thing last year, and how she complained for an hour that I ruined Wonkette forever, before finally telling me that it actually ran better for her since I had been hired?) Well, lately I have been very busy at home, what with all the feedings, the changings, and the spankings. And also having to take care of Donna Rose, too. But somehow, I have found the time to bring you yet another all new Wonkette! Even more Newer and Improveder! than last time!

So here is your new design. Please do bear with us as we iron out any kinks in the system. We know, from experience, that you have no qualms with letting us know when things are not working well for you, and it is one of the things we love about you. Never change. Email Shy at shypixel@wonkette.com with any issues you have with the new layout, to remind us of anything we forgot, if you have any questions, or if you are just lonely, and need a penpal who doesn't write back.