Greetings, Wonkeratti! Time for another of our Top Ten countdowns, where we bring you the absolute best of the previous week -- or at least the stuff that got shared the most on Facebook, which Science tells us* is actually the same thing. Don't see your favorite story of the last week on this list? That is because you -- yes, you, personally -- did not share it enthusiastically enough on the Faces Book. Don't you feel like you failed your favorite story? Maybe you should do better next week! So here are the Big Winners:

10: We learned that the "Bible Code" proves for sure that Barack Obama is the Antichrist, or at least that he sells Antichrist Accessories.

9: We met a GOP Senate candidate who will totally beat Cory Booker, just as long as no women vote.

8: Ted Cruz will fix that dopey old Constitution so that mean old federal judges can't make marriage equality happen anymore.

7: Sarah Silverman's becoming a guy so she can stop paying such high taxes on her vagina.

6: Rampant Ebola Stupidity Syndrome threatened to infect most of rightwing America.

5: We found the actual Palin Brawl Police Report, and found out just how drunk Bristol was. Very.

4:The Supreme Court decided not to hear a bejillion marriage equality cases, and declared everybody fabulous.

3: Medical expert, Pro-lifer, and complete sociopath Todd Kincannon figured out how to stop Ebola from killing people: Kill everybody diagnosed with Ebola.

2: Georgia cops who burned off a baby's face with a stun grenade won't be charged with a crime, because they are Georgia cops.

1: The owner of Hobby Lobby explained that there's nothing hypocritical about profiting from investments in abortion drugs while not letting employees' insurance cover slut pills, because one involves making money and the other involves spending money, which is where morality comes from. (This was shared a whopping 298 times!)

* Note: Apparently this story is not quite accurate.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Is there ANY good news for the bumblefucking Trump re-election campaign these days? Their polling numbers are in the shitter, therefore Trump is firing the pollsters. Trump's Hitler rally kickoff event in Florida last night was ... whatever it was. Oh, and did we mention that they ain't got no money? Like, of course, not counting whatever Russian money they're not telling us about.

Don Jr. recently called a prominent donor and warned that Trump's money haul is falling behind where Barack Obama was early in his reelection, while Jared Kushner has privately complained to RNC chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel that Trump's war chest is not as big as it should be at this point in the cycle.

Whiiiiiiiiiine. Guess they're gonna have to see if they can launder some rubles somewhere, ALLEGEDLY.

Gabe Sherman has some more bad news about Trump's shithole campaign, and it is that Robert and Rebekah Mercer, the father-daughter billionaire duo who bankrolled much of Trump's "victory" in 2016 -- including funding Breitbart, and also the part of the "victory" that comprised Cambridge Analytica, the data company they owned that may have done some real hinky stuff, possibly with Russia, in order to get Trump "elected" -- have zipped up their checkbooks and decided Trump can go eat dicks for all they care.

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