Wonkette Week In Review: Here's What All The Elites Were Reading!
Greetings, Wonkeratti! Time for another of our Top Ten countdowns, where we bring you the absolute best of the previous week -- or at least the stuff that got shared the most on Facebook, which Science tells us* is actually the same thing. Don't see your favorite story of the last week on this list? That is because you -- yes, you, personally -- did not share it enthusiastically enough on the Faces Book. Don't you feel like you failed your favorite story? Maybe you should do better next week! So here are the Big Winners:
10: We learned that the "Bible Code" proves for sure that Barack Obama is the Antichrist, or at least that he sells Antichrist Accessories.
9: We met a GOP Senate candidate who will totally beat Cory Booker, just as long as no women vote.
8: Ted Cruz will fix that dopey old Constitution so that mean old federal judges can't make marriage equality happen anymore.
7: Sarah Silverman's becoming a guy so she can stop paying such high taxes on her vagina.
6: Rampant Ebola Stupidity Syndrome threatened to infect most of rightwing America.
5: We found the actual Palin Brawl Police Report, and found out just how drunk Bristol was. Very.
4:The Supreme Court decided not to hear a bejillion marriage equality cases, and declared everybody fabulous.
3: Medical expert, Pro-lifer, and complete sociopath Todd Kincannon figured out how to stop Ebola from killing people: Kill everybody diagnosed with Ebola.
2:Georgia cops who burned off a baby's face with a stun grenade won't be charged with a crime, because they are Georgia cops.
1: The owner of Hobby Lobby explained that there's nothing hypocritical about profiting from investments in abortion drugs while not letting employees' insurance cover slut pills, because one involves making money and the other involves spending money, which is where morality comes from. (This was shared a whopping 298 times!)
* Note: Apparently this story is not quite accurate.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.