Wonkette's Weekly Top 10 Is Taking A Hike

Weekly Top Ten

Welcome to another week that was! What are the top 10 stories this week, as chosen by a swarm of levitating dracula babies? And where did I get a swarm of levitating dracula babies anyway? Come on in and find out!

10. Who Wants A Politico Puff Piece On Hope Hicks? WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? She sure is earning her keep over there, keeping the president very stable and very cool, isn't she? SER investigates, by which we mean "reads a Politico story and makes fun of it."

9. Dear Leader Trump Work Hard Like Beaver, Testicles Like Glorious Bull! Evan originally had SEXXXX in the headline, after the bull testicles, which was too gross even for me. Anyway, Trump's working real hard. Obviously. Like it says. Would a Wonkette headline lie to you?

8. Mike Pence Don't Need No Stinkin' Rona Mask, Cuz He's Got THE LORD. This thing went on ALL FUCKING WEEK, including and up to YESTERDAY, because Christ.

7. Arizona Race For Senate Still A Few Months From Full Batsh*t Status. Don't know if it was Dok or SER who wrote this, it was a weekend and I AIN'T CHECKING.

6. If You're Not Saving Abortion All Day Long Tomorrow, What Are You Even Doing? Hi Lizz Winstead and pals! Hiiiii!

5. Trump Knows What To Bleach Out Of Coronavirus Briefings, And It Is All The Science. Yeah, this really hasn't gone well for him.

4. If Your Dumbass MAGA Uncle Watched Tucker Carlson Last Night, You Need To Read This. I believe this is the one that introduced us to the Fabulous Bakersfield Boys. It's a DEBUNKIN'.

3. Tyrant Gavin Newsom Nationalizes California Restaurants To Feed Your Nana. Hi Gavin Newsom! Hiiiii!

2. President Heckuva-Job Not Going To Work Until NOON These Days NOON WE SAID F*CKING NOON. NOON!

1. Kim Jong Un Rumored To Be Dead But May Also Not Be Dead, No One Knows For Sure. Robyn splained us. And we still don't know!

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Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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