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Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten BRB We Are Going To Mexico

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We stole the cape from a reader in Minnesota and forgot to send it back :(

Now, hear us out: EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE. So just as soon as the midterms are over, once we decide if we'll be drinking for sadness or pleasure, we are headed to Akumal, Meheeco. We guess we'll have a party there! So if you're like in Cancun-ish, or Playa del Carmen, hit us up at rebecca at wonkette dot com so we can buy you tequila with your fellow readers' Robert De Niro.

Now shut up, it is time for your weekly Top Ten!


1. SHUT UP, JARED! No One Brings A Bone Saw To An Innocent Business Meeting. Five Dollar Feminist is the most popular bloggeress of yesterday and the week, by lots!

2. TRUMP DIDN'T WIN IN SPITE OF THE ACCESS HOLLYWOOD TAPE. HE WON BECAUSE OF IT. Robyn wrote this, and you guys loved the shit out of it. "We love this post," you wrote when you sent me money. So thanks Robyn, drinks are on for me.

3. MY MOTHER IS SCREAMING. This is a sad story, about my mama, told with her permission. :(

4. WELCOME TO GILEAD: KAVANAUGH'S ON THE SCOTUS AND EVERYTHING IS BROKEN. Robyn again! Kavanaugh: poop.

5. WE'RE ALL IN IT TOGETHER, FUCK-KNOCKERS! And me again! You guys NEVER click the money-beg posts, which is what this was, but maybe you thought it was about Kavanaugh I guess? Also, after I reminded you again that only one percent of our readers are sending us money, you guys turned it up! Now somewhere between 1.2 and 1.3 percent of you are ponying the fuck up, which is a pretty bitchen increase over just two months. Thanks loves! Now the rest of you: Make the pie higher!

6. SET YOUR DVR, CNN GONNA AIR BETO O'ROURKE'S PRETTY FACE FOR AN HOUR WITH NO GROSS TED CRUZ BOOGER LIPS IN SIGHT. Gross, thanks a lot, DOK.

7. NEBRASKA DEMOCRAT LADY JUST MIGHT RIDE TRUMP'S TRADE WARS INTO US SENATE. Dok again, with a reminder that, actually, there's a lady running for Senate in Nebraska who we don't need to ignore?

8. Looks Like GOP Blew Brett Kavanaugh's Wad A Few Weeks Early. Evan with the poll porn!

9. UN CLIMATE REPORT: YOU KNOW, GUYS, WE *CAN* STILL FIX THIS!! And Dok being really uncharacteristically hopey. DOK, BE MORE HOPEY, I said, AND HE DID!

10. MELANIE TRUMP INVADED AFRICA AND ALL SHE GOT WAS THIS LOUSY PITH HELMET. Stephen Robinson dunking on Melanie, which is pretty much what he does most days.

And there you have it, dearhearts, your most popular posts of the week chosen not by Beyonce but by SCIENCE. And I didn't even cheat to include mine on there, you guys were just weird I think.

You money us now. Make it like 1.4 percent of our readers, whoa how would we even spend all that dough. OH RIGHT, with freelancer raises plus Mexico.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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On Monday, someone attempted to murder George Soros by putting a bomb in his mailbox. Also on Monday, someone threw a rock into House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy's office. Also, I spilled some hot coffee on myself. These are all things that happened on Monday, and were by some measure unpleasant. While most people might say, "Yes, all of those things are unpleasant, but they are not equal degrees of unpleasant," most people are not Chuck Schumer.

In what appears to be an attempt to get someone on Fox News to describe him as a "reasonable guy," Schumer sent out a tweet today lamenting the "despicable acts of violence and harassment" being done by "both sides."

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Republicans are KILLIN' IT in Florida, you guys! No worries about election day, Gators. It's all smooooooth sailing for the Sunshine State GOP. Just take it from Governor Rick Scott's lead pollster Wes Anderson, who produced a whimsical, unskewed poll for the campaign, featuring nostalgic jams about high Republican turnout in those good old days, telling the Tampa Bay Times,

As the linked slides indicate, Governor Scott currently leads Senator Nelson 51% to 46%, a lead that is outside of the margin of error.

It should also be noted that this sample from last week is very robust at 2,200 interviews of likely voters, stratified by county to reflect historic mid-term turnout. Our sample shows the Republicans with a one-point turnout advantage, even though we believe we will end up with a two- or three-point advantage. For historical context, in the past two mid-term elections Republicans had a four-point advantage in 2010 and a three-point advantage in 2014. At R+1, that makes our current sample a very conservative take on the likely partisan composition of this year's electorate.

NEEDZ MOAR BILL MURRAY.

No other pollster has replicated those numbers, with SurveyUSA, Quinnipiac, and CNN/SSRS all finding Bill Nelson in the lead, but if OnMessage, Inc. says Scott is running way ahead, then it must be true! Only OnMessage promises to "take your principles, your experience, and your opponent's weaknesses to develop a winning message plan that the voters will embrace." And who wouldn't trust a push pollster, right?

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