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Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten BRB We Are Going To Mexico

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We stole the cape from a reader in Minnesota and forgot to send it back :(

Now, hear us out: EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE. So just as soon as the midterms are over, once we decide if we'll be drinking for sadness or pleasure, we are headed to Akumal, Meheeco. We guess we'll have a party there! So if you're like in Cancun-ish, or Playa del Carmen, hit us up at rebecca at wonkette dot com so we can buy you tequila with your fellow readers' Robert De Niro.

Now shut up, it is time for your weekly Top Ten!


1. SHUT UP, JARED! No One Brings A Bone Saw To An Innocent Business Meeting. Five Dollar Feminist is the most popular bloggeress of yesterday and the week, by lots!

2. TRUMP DIDN'T WIN IN SPITE OF THE ACCESS HOLLYWOOD TAPE. HE WON BECAUSE OF IT. Robyn wrote this, and you guys loved the shit out of it. "We love this post," you wrote when you sent me money. So thanks Robyn, drinks are on for me.

3. MY MOTHER IS SCREAMING. This is a sad story, about my mama, told with her permission. :(

4. WELCOME TO GILEAD: KAVANAUGH'S ON THE SCOTUS AND EVERYTHING IS BROKEN. Robyn again! Kavanaugh: poop.

5. WE'RE ALL IN IT TOGETHER, FUCK-KNOCKERS! And me again! You guys NEVER click the money-beg posts, which is what this was, but maybe you thought it was about Kavanaugh I guess? Also, after I reminded you again that only one percent of our readers are sending us money, you guys turned it up! Now somewhere between 1.2 and 1.3 percent of you are ponying the fuck up, which is a pretty bitchen increase over just two months. Thanks loves! Now the rest of you: Make the pie higher!

6. SET YOUR DVR, CNN GONNA AIR BETO O'ROURKE'S PRETTY FACE FOR AN HOUR WITH NO GROSS TED CRUZ BOOGER LIPS IN SIGHT. Gross, thanks a lot, DOK.

7. NEBRASKA DEMOCRAT LADY JUST MIGHT RIDE TRUMP'S TRADE WARS INTO US SENATE. Dok again, with a reminder that, actually, there's a lady running for Senate in Nebraska who we don't need to ignore?

8. Looks Like GOP Blew Brett Kavanaugh's Wad A Few Weeks Early. Evan with the poll porn!

9. UN CLIMATE REPORT: YOU KNOW, GUYS, WE *CAN* STILL FIX THIS!! And Dok being really uncharacteristically hopey. DOK, BE MORE HOPEY, I said, AND HE DID!

10. MELANIE TRUMP INVADED AFRICA AND ALL SHE GOT WAS THIS LOUSY PITH HELMET. Stephen Robinson dunking on Melanie, which is pretty much what he does most days.

And there you have it, dearhearts, your most popular posts of the week chosen not by Beyonce but by SCIENCE. And I didn't even cheat to include mine on there, you guys were just weird I think.

You money us now. Make it like 1.4 percent of our readers, whoa how would we even spend all that dough. OH RIGHT, with freelancer raises plus Mexico.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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photo by Dominic Gwinn

There was a time, a few months ago, when everyone had written off Elizabeth Warren. Well, not me, because I am a fabulous genius, but lots of other people. The "very reasonable" talking heads on all the various news channels, the kind of people who used to say things like "Oh, we'd like universal health care too, but 'the people' will never go for it!" but who definitely did not actually want universal health care for any reason, and even the Trump campaign. Though, to be fair, the Trump campaign didn't think Trump had much of a chance of winning in 2016 either.

But now, as more and more people hear her speak, hear her plans, hear what she wants to do and how she wants to do it... Elizabeth Warren is rising up in the polls. She's a contender. In the most recent Quinnipiac poll, she was closing in on Sanders for second place nationally, and in California and Nevada polls, she's in second place.

And now, according to a report from Politico, the Trump campaign is now scrambling and panicking and... stalking her?

Keep reading... Show less
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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

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