Won't Some Nice White Person Please Give Ann Coulter A Hug?
Ann Coulter is not doing so well. It's been a rough ride for the original Blonde Conservative Chick, who's looking a little past her pull date, if you know what we mean. (We'd apologize for sounding sexist and ageist, but she'd hate that, so we won't.) She used to be a novelty, but now there are dozens of younger, blonder, leggier, dumber, smilier, crazier conservative chicks. She is nothing special. She's this close to being an answer on "Jeopardy!": Born in 1961, this conservative columnist and commentator used to regularly appear on television and in newspapers, before she was deemed too toxic even for most conservatives. Who is Ann Coulter? And does anyone care? Alas, no.
She has written a new book -- her eleventh, we think, though we don't care enough to look it up, so let's just say it's her eleventh. It is also the first book that does not have "liberal" or "liberals" or "liberalism" or "Democrats" (same difference, right?) in the title, again, by our rough estimation.* And you don't even get to see her boobs on the cover. She really likes showing her boobs on her book covers. Instead, there is only her colorless sad face.
Her latest book is called ¡Adios, America! -- get it? so clever! -- and while there is no amount of money you could pay or or sexual acts you could perform to persuade us to read the thing, the Amazon blurb indicates it's about how much she hates immigrants, as opposed to her standard screeds against liberals and Democrats in general. She's been keeping herself busy promoting her new book, appearing on whatever fourth-rate rightwing radio show will have her, most of them in Iowa. She has said all the horrible hateful things we've come to expect, and have long since grown tired of hearing, from her: about Latinos and gays and women and Muslims and abortion, and how they, with their evil lefty accomplices, will destroy America. For the eleventh time. Now buy this book!
In an interview before a mostly Latino audience, she refused to let a Latina immigrant audience member hug her because, she said, she was recovering from the flu. Maybe she was, but she certainly wasn't upset by all the headlines screaming ANN COULTER REFUSED TO LET IMMIGRANT HUG HER! You can be fairly certain she'd refuse such a request, even if she had an original long-form perfect bill of health. She followed that up by saying that in addition to undocumented immigrants, she doesn't want any cripples or fat chicks allowed in her country either. Now please buy this book!
In a recent conversation with like-minded bearded hipster misogynist a-hole Gavin McInnes -- who happens to be an immigrant, but the white male kind, from Canada, so he's acceptable -- Coulter recently said, and not for the first time, that women shouldn't have the right to vote, although she's fine with them writing books. Hint hint, buy this book!
In an appearance on C-SPAN (hey, at least it's TV, sort of), she managed to turn the massacre of nine African Americans at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, and the subsequent debate on the Confederate flag, into a half-hearted rant against Democrats, and a call to end immigration, with the intellectual sophistication of an eight-year-old shouting, "I know you are BUT WHAT AM I?"
I think it's completely moronic. I mean, this is an awful thing that happened in Charleston. Luckily, it's quite rare. But to jump on this and go back to, you know, a litany of liberal talking points that make Republicans look bad, how about banning the Democratic Party? They were the ones who were on the Confederate side of the Civil War, they were the ones who supported segregation for 100 years.
If we want to do something nice for black people, how about ending immigration, which is dumping millions of low-wage workers on the country, taking jobs from African Americans, as innumerable studies have shown? I mean, there are all sorts of nice things you could be doing here.
Removing the Confederate flag from state and federal grounds is not about "something nice for black people," not that anyone believes for a second Ann Coulter has any interest in that either. But at least this tragedy provides Coulter one more opportunity to desperately beg for relevance again, attempting to prove the next generation cannot out-hate even her. On Tuesday night, she appeared on Fox's redheaded step-child Fox Business Network, to prove the next generation cannot out-wrong her either:
I'm a student of American History, so I'm appalled by -- though I would really like to like Nikki Haley since she is a Republican. On the other hand, she is an immigrant and does not understand America's history.
Haley was born in South Carolina, and while we'd agree that her understanding of the Confederate flag is, to put it generously, misguided, it's more likely attributable to being a Republican from South Carolina, rather than an immigrant, since she isn't one. But because Haley's hair is not blond, nor is her skin translucently pale, Coulter is willing, at this point, to sacrifice even a fellow conservative extremist for the sake of her latest cause to rid the nation of people who don't look like Ann Coulter. Now please, for the love of god, BUY THIS BOOK!
That's the sort of casually racist and inaccurate claim with which Coulter can still on occasion seize an internet news cycle or two. But that's about it. Poor Ann. No wonder she sounds ever more tired and defeated every time someone gives her a chance to speak, recycling even her own talking points that years ago garnered her some attention. Now, she can barely cry out for help, even as she seeks reassurance that her voice is still relevant to conservatives. Except that it is not. Pity her, for her time has passed.
*We looked it up anyway. She also wrote a book called High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton. It doesn't have her boobs on the cover either. An oversight, probably.