Yale Kid Asks Ted Cruz The Wrong Question About Blowing Guys To End World Hunger

National Politics
Yale Kid Asks Ted Cruz The Wrong Question About Blowing Guys To End World Hunger

Ted Cruz dutifully phonebanking for the man who insulted his wife

A lot of folks are making something out of a question an oh-so-clever kid at Yale asked Ted Cruz this week. Cruz was there to do a live recording of his podcast, which he hosts with some idiot named Michael Knowles. And some whippersnapper named "Evan" got up to ask a question:

“Assuming it would end global hunger, would you fellate another man?” a student named Evan asked Cruz.

Evan. Can we call you "Evan," since it's our personal name, which means there's more than a 20 percent chance we won't forget your name by the end of this post?

Evan. Dear, sweet Evan. This is an inappropriate and incorrect question. Not for whatever reasons Ted Cruz didn't like the question, or that Michael Knowles didn't like the question. Knowles responded, "Like a typical leftwing undergraduate, you are engaging in consequentialist ethics." LOL, shut up you fuckin' dildo made out of human hair.

There were many laughs in the live studio audience, as Knowles said just a few too many words about how blowing guys is "flagrantly immoral." That was weird.

But it was still the wrong question.

This question is inappropriate because of the suppositions it makes, namely that Ted Cruz cares if global hunger ends. A lawyer for opposing counsel would object and say "assumes facts not in evidence." To construct a question like this, you've got to make the carrot at the end of the tunnel something a reasonable observer would at least think Ted Cruz might really want, for the price of blowing some guys.

Therefore a better construction would be:

"Assuming Donald Trump would punch you in the face and spend the night with your wife afterward, would you blow a bunch of guys?"

We don't care why "Evan" constructed his question the way he did. We don't care if, as Knowles suggested, it was some reference to American Psycho. Our way is better.

And as if to prove that our way is better, Ted Cruz thought he was saying a gotcha afterward when he asked Evan, "If it would solve world hunger, would you vote for Donald Trump?"

So fuckin' sad, dude. And he doesn't even realize why it's sad, which is even sadder.

Another good construction for the question would be "assuming you got to vote for Donald Trump afterward, would you blow a bunch of guys?"

The end.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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