Yeah, She's Got Your Dinner Right Here
County commissioners have a lot of sway over the NFL, you know.
In New Jersey's Atlantic County, voters gave the boot to a rightwing jagoff on the Board of Freeholders (which any normal state would call the county commission) who had posted a meme mocking the Washington DC Women's March, replacing him with a first-time candidate, Ashley Bennett, who decided to get into politics because she was pissed off by said jagoff's Facebook post.
Back in January, Freeholder John Carman, that Flag and Cross-lovin' fellow up there, had posted this witty response to the troublemaking ladies in DC:
HAW HAW, make me a sammich bitch!
He had already attended Donald Trump's inauguration that week, and was feeling pretty chuffed about taking his country back. And when silly ladies criticized him on the Facebook and said they'd defeat his "sexist behind" come the fall, Carman replied simply, "Lighten up, it's called humor." Shortly after Atlantic County Democrats sent out a press release condemning Carman's perfectly innocent joke, he said in an interview that he hadn't intended to offend anyone, and that "some people just have to get a sense of humor." He also insisted of course he supported women's rights, because "It's not like we're in the 1700s." Just joking like it's the 1950s.
Besides, he said, a lot of the ladies at the march were pretty darned offensive, too, he explained, ignoring the First Rule of Holes:
"I will support anyone who wants to march," he said. "I am a proponent for women’s rights. With that said, some of these marchers, with their vulgarity and replicas of female body parts on your head, they hurt the cause rather than help it. I’m saying 'Come on, really?' That's the part that turns you off."
It's not clear whether the poor dear needed smelling salts to recover from the pink yarn depictions of uteri, ovaries, and even vulvae, but Carman did eventually remove the post, although he left up a warning to Violent Leftists about their nasty tactics:
Still on the page was a meme he posted around the same time that featured a photo of Rosa Parks that read: "Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus. But she didn't trash the bus. Big difference."
Women later showed up to a Freeholders' meeting to advise Carman they weren't impressed. One woman brought a box of mac-n-cheese, along with instructions, to let Carman know he was perfectly capable of cooking his own dinner. Also at the meeting was Ms. Bennett, 32, of -- we swear we are not making this up -- Egg Harbor Township, which we believe is near Fallopian Bay. Bennett, who works as a psychiatric emergency screener at a local hospital, won the election for Carman's seat by almost 1,000 votes out of the 14,000 votes cast in yesterday's election, and while we don't yet know what her sense of humor is like, she sounds like a pretty gracious winner:
“People want change,” Bennett wrote by text early Wednesday. “”I am beyond speechless and incredibly grateful to serve my community. I never imaged I would run for office.”
Carman's chances probably weren't helped when, in October, photos surfaced of the great patriot wearing a patch that depicted the shape of New Jersey with an American flag on the top half and a Confederate battle flag on the lower half:
We have checked, and there were actually no parts of New Jersey that belonged to the Confederacy, so that's definitely not an accurate depiction of history. Even so, Carman insisted the patch had no racial overtones, heavens no -- it simply represented the political divide between North and South Jersey, you know, and it was for the vets:
“I’ve worn that jacket to honor veterans of all races during funeral processions,” he said. “Given what has happened recently, I should have considered taking it off, but it’s been on there so long I honestly didn’t think about it.”
Ms. Bennett didn't seem to understand that the Confederate flag honors "veterans of all races," probably because that's insane.
“As a woman of color, I had a deep, visceral reaction to the images I saw,” Bennett said in a statement. “I honestly could not even believe it. The Confederate flag is a symbol of hatred, intolerance and bigotry. The fact that Freeholder Carman believes this is appropriate conduct for an elected official in New Jersey in the year 2017 is outrageous.”
So, what's next for former Freeholder John Carman? We're guessing either a cable TV reality show, an appointment to the Trump administration, or, if there's any justice, a return to complete obscurity, and possibly, late at night when the lights are off, walking barefoot across a hardwood floor, stepping on several Lego blocks, then barking his shin on a coffee table. We're kind of mean that way.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.