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Unfortunately, this recipe will no longer be possible after the 2019 Girl Scout Cookie Season, because Little Brownie Bakers is discontinuing Savannah Smiles. You may be able to find some online, or by finding a troop still selling them at this late date and Venmo'ing them the money, but unless you have boxes on hand you'll need to use a substitute cookie for the crust. I will include that in this recipe as well.

Baking Note: I did not have a 10" springform pan, so I used the 9" pan I have on hand. This resulted in a VERY tall cheesecake that required about eight more minutes of baking. Just something to bear in mind if your springform pan is a different size; the baking time will vary, so check the wobble factor before taking it out of the oven. The recipe below, however, is for a 10" pan.

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups Savannah Smiles crumbs

OR

  • 2 cups of Lemon Oreos crumbs

ORRRRR, if you want to spend a LOT of money on this

  • 2 cups of Carr's Ginger Lemon Cremes crumbs;

  • 6 tablespoons melted butter

Filling:

  • 4 8 oz. full fat packages of softened cream cheese
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
  • 1/4 cup lemon juice
  • 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • 1 tablespoon grated lemon zest
  • 2-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 1 teaspoon lemon extract
  • 5 large eggs

Directions:

  • Preheat oven to 325 degrees
  • Wrap the bottom and sides of a 10" springform pan in AT LEAST three layers of heavy aluminum foil to keep out the water from the ensuing water bath. I wrapped my springform in a RIDICULOUS amount of foil -- five or six layers at least -- and it was still a close call.
  • In a small bowl, combine the cookie crumbs and butter. Press onto bottom and 2 inches up sides of a greased 10-inch springform pan.
  • Place pan on a baking sheet and bake 10 minutes. Cool to room temperature on a wire rack.
  • In a large bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Beat in cream, lemon juice, flour, lemon zest, extracts and food coloring if desired. Add eggs, one at a time, beating on low speed after each one. Beat the whole mixture until smooth and pour into cooled crust.
  • Place the springform pan inside a baking pan of adequate size -- you will probably need a disposable aluminum baking pan -- and place it on top of a baking sheet (that will make moving it later much easier). Using a kettle or large measuring cup, very carefully fill the pan with water, filling it about 1 inch below the top of the tin foil on the springform pan.
  • Bake for 55 to 65 minutes or until center is almost set. Turn the oven off, crack open the oven door a bit, and allow it to cool to room temperature inside the oven.
  • Remove the cheesecake from the oven and carefully unwrap the aluminum foil. Be aware that there may be some water spillage, so do this part over your counter, not over your dinner table.
  • Refrigerate overnight.
  • Remove sides of pan; slice, serve, and enjoy.

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!

News

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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