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You'd Better Take Part In the National Day of Prayer, Or God Will Explode DC

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TIM PAWLENTY 2012! Sorry, NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER!

Why did God put the White House, Capitol, and Supreme Court building next to each other, put a building-size flag over it all, and subject them to huge human hands that look like they're about to crush all of this but instead are praying? When God steals the plot of Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, you know He's pissed.

That's right: God is going to make RAIN happen if you don't pray! Have you ever been rained on before? Obviously you haven't, as all rain does is murder people. Stop playing the Bible games on your Wii and read the Bible instead. Or God will WATER YOUR CROPS. You don't want that. [Videogum]

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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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