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You'd Better Take Part In the National Day of Prayer, Or God Will Explode DC

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TIM PAWLENTY 2012! Sorry, NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER!

Why did God put the White House, Capitol, and Supreme Court building next to each other, put a building-size flag over it all, and subject them to huge human hands that look like they're about to crush all of this but instead are praying? When God steals the plot of Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, you know He's pissed.

That's right: God is going to make RAIN happen if you don't pray! Have you ever been rained on before? Obviously you haven't, as all rain does is murder people. Stop playing the Bible games on your Wii and read the Bible instead. Or God will WATER YOUR CROPS. You don't want that. [Videogum]

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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