You'll Never Guess Who Says She's Running For Office Now

We regret to inform you that Wonkette is REMISS, because we failed to mention it when news broke a few days ago that Rudy Giuliani's favorite election fraud witness, and your very favorite American, Mellissa "With Two L's" Carone has announced she is running for the Michigan state House in the 46th district.

That's right, the AMAZING election fraud expert who knew Joe Biden and Dominion Voting Systems stole Michigan from Donald Trump, because something about sandwiches in vans, says she's running for office. The wondrous wizard who knew the poll book in Wayne County, Michigan, had NO REGISTERED VOTERS in it, and when confronted by a Republican elected official about how actually he did not see any problems with the poll book, replied, "WHADDDDDDDDDJU GUYS DO? TAKE IT AND DO SUMPIN' CRAZY TO IT?" and added, "I signed something saying if I'm wrong, I can go to prison, DIDJU?" -- she's doin' politics now.

And at the risk of talking her up too much, the woman who claimed she was a "contractor" for Dominion Voting Systems, to which Dominion's very nice defamation lawyer replied that actually Carone was "hired through a staffing agency for one day to clean glass on machines and complete other menial tasks" -- she says she's getting into the GAME OF DEMOCRACY, oh yeah, fuck yeah, whatcha gonna do about it?

Now, you might notice that we keep saying Carone says she is running, as opposed to just reporting it as fact. Consider the source, first of all. But Deadline Detroit reports that there are a couple of other problems here.

The next House elections aren't until November 2022 and Carone, 33, doesn't live in the district where she's running.


Michigan state Senator Curtis Hertel 'splains another li'l problem:

Nobody tell her.

Oh but wait, you guys, Carone has seen evidence that the 46th district WILL TOO EXIST, as she explained to HuffPost:

"It's been verified by numerous people," she said, without providing specifics. "The question is quite silly."

When has she been wrong before?

More from Deadline Detroit:

She [repeated] debunked claims about shredded ballots in Georgia and says that 75 percent of Americans voted for Trump, something she knew "for a fact" and had learned from "numerous audits" and listening "to Rudy Giuliani every night — his comments on his YouTube channel."

How delusional do you have to be to believe "75 percent of Americans" voted for Donald Trump? How much denial does one have to be in to think 75 percent of Americans voted for the most loathed president in American history who never reached a 50 percent approval rating, not once, in his entire dipshit reign? You have to be "Mellissa With Two L's" delusional.

She told Deadline Detroit her platform is "to get our ballots hand-counted and clean out Lansing just like draining the swamp in D.C. because that's what we need," according to Deadline Detroit.

Also she personally believes that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and she believes that our education like such as in South Africa and a the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa or should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we can be able to build up our future.

OK, we are just fooling, that was Miss South Carolina 2007, but we haven't had a chance to quote it in a while, dunno, seemed fun.

Wonkette looks forward to 2024, when GOP presidential nominee Marjorie Taylor Greene makes Mellissa Carone her running mate and we all gouge our eyes out with spoons forever.

[Deadline Detroit / HuffPost]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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