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Hi! Me again! The Wonkette publisher and editrix and owner and YR MOM OF YOU. Remember like three months ago I said well, it is time to DQ all these ads and murder them with fire, because this is some fucked up nonsense these ads, they take over your browser, and they probably malware you, and they DEFINITELY track your shit all over the universe, that seems to be pretty much the whole purpose of ads today. And they're NOT EVEN PAYING ME MONEY TO DO SO.

Well, it is time to remind you that because we have no ads and are 100 percent reader-supported then FUCK YOU GIVE ME MONEY!

Where else can you learn about all of the Trump things and not even want to kill yourself after? NOWHERE, that is where! Wonkette is the only website in the WHOLE WORLD that ... no, that's it. Wonkette is the only website in the WHOLE WORLD.

We learned a fun new statistic about our site's readers this week, and that is that about one percent of you visit more than 30 times a month. You are considered "fanatics," and are responsible for fully a quarter of our site's visits. MATH, that means about 8,000 or 9,000 of you a month (out of a total readership of 800,000 or 900,000 a month, most of whom come once and are like HMMMM PERHAPS THIS IS NOT THE WEBSITE FOR ME!) are our SUPERFANS. AND YET. Only about three thousand of you a month are GIVING US MONEY. That is (math again!) only ONE OUT OF THREE.

Well, now is the time to fix that. Go get your wallet. We'll wait right here.

We got babies and Evan and Dok and (part-time) Robyn to feed, y'all. And servers and Wonkebagos and MANY SPENSES. And we're bringing you even MORE good new writers you already love, like Five Dollar Feminist and killermartinis, because we, like you, have SUCH EXCELLENT TASTE.

Now. You can throw us a buck or a hundred in that little clickie thing below, where it says "donate." But what we really need you to do is make a recurring donation, every month, right from your tap, or what happens when Trump forgets to suck one month and everyone forgets to send us their ragebucks?

To make a recurring donation, you go here. You can do it with Paypal, or with Amazon, or just with a credit card, and payments are safe and secure.

Our readers should be signing up at least as often as TPM's readers. Or the fans of those "dirtbag left" dudes with the podcast whose listeners are sending them almost DOUBLE WONKETTE'S MONEY to sit around and bitch about liberals once a damn week. Or ... I don't know, the only other people I can think of who are putting their money where other people's mouths are are the poor fleeced sheep financing the golden jets of those terrible "prosperity" gospeleers, and we don't want you to be fleeced OR a sheeple, fleecing sheeple (and golden jets) is not our bag, man.

We prefer to drive.

Thank you for reading Wonkette, you generous lover of goodness and light and yelling FUCK YOU TO POWER, or whoever needs a good FUCK YOU.

We love you real good.

[MONEY PLEASE]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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THAT HEADLINE IS A LIE.

Anyway, it is time to count down your top ten stories. You will notice that in this post there is a video of Wonkette Toddler at the lake doing lake things, and also a picture of Rebecca's Very Good Dogs watching their favorite movie, which is Wonkette Toddler eating a sandwich (above). Please enjoy these things.

OK, top ten!

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Even Fox News Can't Make Finland Trump-Shits Smell Like Roses :(

2. Dickish Trump Is Even A Dick To That Nice Old Lady From The Crown

3. Where In The World Is Michael Avenatti? He Is In London Having Tea With The Queen!

4. From Russia With Lube

5. WHAT THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK WAS THAT TRUMP-PUTIN PRESS CONFERENCE?

6. Can We Talk About The Utter Sadness Of Breitbart's Melania Fashion Coverage?

7. Christian Lady Being A Dipshit Again

8. President Words-Stupid Sorry For Being Total Fuck-Up Just This One Time Ever

9. Deleted Comments: We Gave God The Banhammer

10. Strzok Out With Your Cock Out: The 5 Best Moments From Yesterday's Peter Strzok Shitshow

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

As promised, kid pic and video from LAKE TIME:

OK that's all.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

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Facebook video screenshot

Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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