Your Southern Snowghazi Conspiracy Theory: It's Not Snow, It's Chemtrails! Or Soylent Snow!
Lest you might worry that in today's modern society of today, people are so jaded by technology and science that they have lost their sense of wonder and capacity to be amazed, watch this video of a South Carolina woman investigating for herself the strange properties of the alleged "snow" that fell on her area last week. Unlike normal snow, which people hold butane lighters up to all the time, this stuff doesn't melt! In fact, it turns black and smells bad, like burning plastic. Or maybe burning butane! And so we have to ask: What is Obama up to?
Oh sure, there are already lots of people debunking this extraordinary proof that the government is spraying chemicals from jetliners, talking about "science" and "sublimation," ad even going so far as to take the "snow" and put it in a microwave or saucepan, turning it into what appears to be "water." But let us just ask you something: that "water" doesn't burn or turn sooty, but the "snow" does! All that proves is that the nanobots inside the "snow" are able to break it down into a plausible approximation of water, which hides the government's real agenda.
Consider this additional testimony from a discussion thread on the "Godlike Productions" conspiracy site:
Last week, we received trace amounts of what the weatherman said "sleet." It looked exactly like Styrofoam balls!
Other speculation was that the "snow" includes chemical oil dispersants -- "corexit" -- sprayed in chemtrails from the stratosphere for some reason, or maybe dust from Comet Ison. One home researcher actually took the "scientists" at their word, and made an unpleasant discovery!
I went outside and got a snowball and brought it inside to look at it. (I'm in Georgia, by Atlanta).
I put it on my skillet with the heat on high and it just evaporated, not much water at all. I didnt think anything of it because I'm from Michigan and dry snow is common if its very cold and not very humid outside.
BUT about an hour or so later I go to cook bacon in the same skillet and as soon as I turn the heat up on the skillet it starts SMOKING and my whole house smells like plastic. From the other room I thought there was a fire going on.
I swear that nothing had been in the pan but the snowball. I put a piece of bacon in the skillet and it shriveled up and burned in about 30 seconds. My house still smells like plastic.
Still, the writer supposes that maybe it could just be "acid rain/snow" and not chemtrails -- but also not normal: "either way this shit is not safe to handle and something should be done about the quality of our precipitation." Possibly Febreeze would help.
Oh, sure, one or two government agents popped into the thread to say things like this, from someone claiming to be in "Northern Georgia" (as if any such location exists -- we all know Georgia is in the South, duh!):
We are boiling snow right now, in a pot over the stove. We are doing this because the pipes froze and we need the water to flush the toilets. No weird smells and it is melting.
OK, so now we're supposed to believe that in the same area where plastic snow will not drip when a lighter is held to it, the pipes still "freeze"? That doesn't sound very scientific to us at all, and our pipes have never frozen either.
There is something in the snow. SOMETHING IN THE SNOW! This is an even bigger discovery than the incontrovertible proof that They faked the moon landings.
Forget science education. Maybe we should just give everyone an Ouija board and a quartz crystal after 12 years of school and wish them luck.
And while civilization collapses from people believing in nonsense, we can at least enjoy some Frank Zappa:
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He doesn't melt when you hold a lighter up to him, either.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.