Your Weekly Top Ten, Comin' Atcha From An Undisclosed Location In NEW YORK
Wonkette Toddler is not in New York, we regret to inform you.
Oh hey, Wonkers, it is Top Ten time, and we are going to make this even more faster than usual (we ALWAYS say that) because we are in New York right now. Perhaps you have noticed we've been out a few days this month! Part of that is because we always take a bunch of our days in May -- May and September and December, if you want to plan for our absences -- and part of it is because we decided to come to New York this week like a common person who does fancy things like go to New York. But we are still here, during our excursion, typin' at you!
Anyway, we will count down your top ten posts in a sec.
First, let's pay the bills, because those are important. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress!
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Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
Did we mention we love you?
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Everyone Mourns Differently. Father Of Texas School Shooter Mourns Like A Dick. CHRIST, what an asshole.
2. Portal To Hell Opens In White House Lawn. Obama Never Had One Of Those. GOD, ARE YOU SPEAKING TO US RIGHT NOW?
3. A Royal Wedding Of Blacktacularness! ALL THE FEELS!
7. Texas Shooter Had History Of Harassing Girls Who Weren’t Interested In Him. Imagine That. That's right, Robyn had to write this post AGAIN.
8. Let’s Drink The Sweet Delicious Nazi Tears About Meghan Markle, Queen Of You! Nazi tears are the sweetest tears, according to science.
10. Just When You Thought Michael Cohen Couldn’t Be Any Stupider, ALONG COMES THE ONION! He can ALWAYS get stupider.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
OK here are some pictures of New York. This is the first damn thing we saw when the wheels hit the ground:
Guess they can't afford to gas it up, so it just sits out there at the airport looking like an idiot.
Here is some SHAWARMA "PITZA" we got at a lovely little place in Cobble Hill called Zaytoons:
We have only begun to eat our entire weight in food on this trip, by the way.
Here, in Brooklyn, is the original place where the FAILING NEW YORK TIMES was published:
And finally, here's something we just caught on a stroll the other night:
Purty, ain't it?
Anyway, more pictures when we have them, if we remember to take them.
Yours in baby Jesus,
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