Oh hey, everyone! It is your weekly top ten post, and we have some news that will break your hearts. It is that we are finally taking a goddamn vacation next week, so BYE FOOLS. But you still get your weekly top ten post, and then we will see you in two Mondays because BYE FOOLS. Now, what we mean by "not an animal" in the headline is that you should watch the video above of Wonkette Toddler Human Woman calmly explaining to her mother, who obviously doesn't get it, that she is not a cow or a horse or a wombat or a three-toed sloth or ANY of the other animals. Like how many times does she have to say she's not an animal, MOM? It is a very good video.

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YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. That defiant Hillary Clinton released her awesome new book this week, even though some stupid men on the internet think she should shut up forever.

2. ALSO THIS WEEK, Hillary Clinton had the utter gall to suggest Bernie Sanders isn't the long foretold messiah. Where does she get off?

3. Hey, it's that Tomi Lahren thing from last week, about her ancestor who forged his citizenship papers. Read it if you haven't!

4. Here are 19 other books Hillary should write next, because we NEVER WANT HER TO SHUT UP.

5. And here are the 58 stupidest things Steve Bannon said to "60 Minutes" this past weekend.

6. What in GODDANG TARNATION is about to drop in the Trump-Russia investigation? We just have a feeling something big is coming!

7. That fuckstick Milo lied about losing his house in Hurricane Irma, isn't that HILARIOUS OF HIM?

8. That manic pixie asshat ended his piano campaign to win his girlfriend back. It's just your fault and his ex-girlfriend's fault for not understanding #ROMANCE like he does.

9. Ted Cruz's porn tastes are mediocre and weird, just like Ted Cruz!

10. And finally, good god, just how many fucking lies did Donald Trump Jr. tell the Senate when he testified for them last week?

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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