Your Weekly Top Ten Is NOT AN ANIMAL, OK?

Oh hey, everyone! It is your weekly top ten post, and we have some news that will break your hearts. It is that we are finally taking a goddamn vacation next week, so BYE FOOLS. But you still get your weekly top ten post, and then we will see you in two Mondays because BYE FOOLS. Now, what we mean by "not an animal" in the headline is that you should watch the video above of Wonkette Toddler Human Woman calmly explaining to her mother, who obviously doesn't get it, that she is not a cow or a horse or a wombat or a three-toed sloth or ANY of the other animals. Like how many times does she have to say she's not an animal, MOM? It is a very good video.

Next up, donation paragraph! We can hear you crying out, "CAN I PLEASE DONATE SOME MONEY TO THE WONKETTE?" (That is very sweet of you!) Why yes, you may, as we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

For instance, you could alsopurchase our sexxxy blue baseball caps. One of them says "Hell. No." and the other says "Literally Anyone Else 2020." See?

There are many other products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store!

Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is, just this one time, an animal:


We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. That defiant Hillary Clinton released her awesome new book this week, even though some stupid men on the internet think she should shut up forever.

2. ALSO THIS WEEK, Hillary Clinton had the utter gall to suggest Bernie Sanders isn't the long foretold messiah. Where does she get off?

3. Hey, it's that Tomi Lahren thing from last week, about her ancestor who forged his citizenship papers. Read it if you haven't!

4. Here are 19 other books Hillary should write next, because we NEVER WANT HER TO SHUT UP.

5. And here are the 58 stupidest things Steve Bannon said to "60 Minutes" this past weekend.

6. What in GODDANG TARNATION is about to drop in the Trump-Russia investigation? We just have a feeling something big is coming!

7. That fuckstick Milo lied about losing his house in Hurricane Irma, isn't that HILARIOUS OF HIM?

8. That manic pixie asshat ended his piano campaign to win his girlfriend back. It's just your fault and his ex-girlfriend's fault for not understanding #ROMANCE like he does.

9. Ted Cruz's porn tastes are mediocre and weird, just like Ted Cruz!

10. And finally, good god, just how many fucking lies did Donald Trump Jr. tell the Senate when he testified for them last week?

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

You are very good!

OK bye, we are off on our golf vacation with the King of France, BYEEEEE BYEEEEEE!

Yours in Christ,


Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries, servers, and all of the things are fully funded by readers like you! If you love us, click here to fund us!

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc