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Two things: As we write this, officially 100 Democrats have now come out for impeachment. Meanwhile, three House Republicans announced their retirement this week. (The third one was Alabama's Martha Roby. Yes, that Martha Roby. GET THE FUCK OUT.)

Anyway, the point is that this is obviously DEMS IN DISARRAY and whatnot. Also, did you hear the Judiciary Committee led by Jerry Nadler filed Friday to get the grand jury material from Mueller's report? This is important for a number of reasons we're sure we'll get into in the coming weeks, but for now you should read the filing, and see that it mentions impeachment EIGHTY-FIVE FUCKING TIMES. Read it. As Laurence Tribe said on Twitter, "the eagle has taken flight." When you're done reading it, read the Washington Post's analysis, which agrees with the thing about the eagle of impeachment that has started its flying journey up the president's large butt.

The second thing is that Friday was National Dog Photography Day, which is why Lula gets top billing. That picture was taken after the Mueller hearings, because after Daddy had to steal the ottoman she sleeps on to put his stupid computer on it in front of the TV all day long, it was GODDAMNED STICK TIME.

There is a kid picture below.

OK, top ten stories! Before we count down the top ten stories, though, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Friday Nice Time: Watch Rand Paul Run From Hero Reporter Like His Neighbor's After Him!

9. Trump Retweets Notorious British Racist Katie Hopkins In Order To Prove He Isn't Racist

8. Are Chuck Todd And Maggie Haberman Gaslighting You About The Mueller Hearings? Click Here To Tell Them To Fuck Off!

7. Ruth Bader Ginsburg Will Dance On All Our Graves

6. HOUSE INTEL COMMITTEE, IF YOU'RE LISTENING: It's Manafort. It's Always Been Manafort.

5. Elijah Cummings Just Asking SDNY If There's Anybody's Ass He Ought To Beat Right Now (Hint Hint!)

4. Let's All Try To Wrap Our Brains Around This Incredibly Stupid Argument For The Electoral College

3. Anna Wintour Has Some Things To Not Say About Melania Trump

2. Let's Talk About Trump's Russian Shitshow! Mueller Liveblog Part Deux

1. Shit Your Pants, Trump, It's Mueller Time! A Liveblog!

Those are good stories!

Here's Wonkette toddler on a very large slide!

OK that's all, go with God, etc.

Love,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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