12 Deranged AI-Generated Headlines About Kittens You Simply Won't Believe!

OK, I wrote that one myself. It's Tabs!

Tabs gif by Yr Martini Ambassador!

House Democrats have started a task force aimed at opposing the crazed rightwing Project 2025 agenda, just in case. It is called the “Stop Project 2025 Task Force,” appropriately enough. [AP]

Donald Trump wants all new Bitcoin to be made in the USA, and probably will demand the energy hungry computers be powered by burning coal and big-eyed puppies. [Reuters]

More goddamn Sam Alito tapes, in which the SCOTUS justice complains about mean, mean ProPublica, which at least means he’s been paying attention. [MSNBC on YouTube]

Oh, what the hey, why not watch it right now?

Fox News has a new Hunter Biden conviction conspiracy: Actually, the gun charges against Hunter were just part of a Deep State plot to protect Joe Biden from being charged for something really serious and bad, oh my! [Daily Beast]

Top competitive eater Joey Chestnut has been banished from the big July 4 hot dog face cramming contest at Coney Island this year after he signed an endorsement deal with the veggie-based Impossible Foods to sell hot dogs what are meatless. Civilization hangs in the balance. [Reuters]

A bar in Eagle, Idaho, a suburb of Boise, is doing a promotion called “Heterosexual Awesomeness Month” because the owner is a Christian who doesn’t hate anyone, but he felt the need to say something and he said it, stupidly. Yeah, it’s getting a good turnout, probably because of the Monday promotion: One free beer for “any heterosexual male dressed like a heterosexual male,” haw haw. These people. [NBC News]

North and South Korea are escalating a propaganda pissing contest that began with years of South Korean civilian activists sending leaflets north hanging from balloons, followed by the North sending balloons carrying smelly trash south, and now the South is using huge loudspeakers at the border to broadcast K-Pop hits and criticism of the Pyongyang government northward. [AP]

Ready for some climate optimism? Paul Waldman says that’s the smart call for politicians this year, and says just look at Joe Biden’s campaign for an example. By contrast, the fossilheads are the ones sounding like scary pessimists, and that’s likely to turn voters off. [Heatmap News]

And why not a double dose of Paul Waldman, because at his Substack he looks at the plentiful evidence that our business bigwigs are no geniuses, particularly if they’re looking longingly to Donald Trump. Who’s good for capitalism? Probably the guy who doesn’t have a string of bankruptcies, and now a load of felony convictions. [The Cross Section]

Thornton sleeps weird: and to allay any fears, that’s his front leg there, shaved for the IV; he sleeps with his paws tucked under his forelegs. Not a stump!

And now some bad/good news about my cat Thornton, who came to live with me just a bit less than five years ago. He loves it when you all give him vicarious pets. The poor boy has been through a time lately, meaning that last week he had a biopsy that involved removing most of one of his hind toes (you don’t want all the backstory).

The results came back Monday and it was indeed cancer, but the good news is that the “margins” — the tissue that wasn’t the tumor, which was in the tip of the toe — were clear of cancerous cells, so the vet is fairly confident that he got it all. So the prognosis is good! For now we’re planning to just watch his foot for any changes, with appointments every six months to have the vet look at him. Still scary, but I was worried for a while that it might have been necessary to amputate the whole leg. Not for now, at least.

Also, because he is a clever but stupid boy, he has to go back under sedation tomorrow to re-close the biopsy wound, which he managed to reopen after 1) managing to get the bandage off days too soon, and 2) discovering if he stretched his leg waaay out past the end of the Cone of Shame, he could lick and bite at his foot. It was gross! Little dipshit. I love him and am not as worried as I was at first. Sigh.

Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations. If you can, please become a paid subscriber. Or if a one-time donation is more your bowl of Friskies, here’s a button for you to help us keep the writers paid and the writers’ pets cared for.