16 Ina Garten Recipes To Channel Your Inner Barefoot Contessa! Tabs, Fri., Jan. 13, 2023

Morning non-news non-roundup!

I have been on the phone with Paypal for something like five hours because as I was trying to find out how to import a list of you whose recurring donations will start aging out next month (our platform people put a 52-payment-cycle limit on our new donate button in November 2018), there was a notice saying that on January 31, Paypal will discontinue "auto billing."

Do we have "auto billing"? Paypal does not know, but Paypal doesn't think we have "auto billing." Also, nobody at Paypal merchant tech support had heard that they were discontinuing "auto billing." And they can't tell if we have it, I should ask my developer. And please send screenshots of the 52-payment-cycle limit because they hadn't heard of that either, but it might mean we have "auto billing." And when I emailed the screenshots — 27 of them with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one — an auto reply told me to log into the Paypal website and get help from there. [Two hundred boring words about what information is not on the Paypal website deleted for you, the Wonkette reader.]

the shining typewriter GIF    Giphy 

[ONE THOUSAND EVEN MORE BORING WORDS DELETED, AGAIN], which amounts to:

So what I am saying is 2600 of you might have Paypal payments that stop going through after January 31 — OR NOT, NOBODY KNOWS! — which is two-thirds of Wonkette's supporters. 

But wait, there's more!

  Even if that DOESN'T happen, your Paypal payments will begin to stop being collected in March, on a rolling basis 52 months from when you signed up, which WILL happen! Unless you signed up before November 2018, in which case we think it was a totally different button and you're completely fine! SCANNERS GIF but I'm not putting in the SCANNERS GIF because there are going to be too many GIFS IN HERE!

And if you pronounce it jif, you are a tool.

Do you see what this fucking day has been like? We're on Hour Eleven now.

Its Been A Long Time Waiting GIF    Giphy 

So after the first year ever in which our revenues went down instead of up, Wonkette miiight lose two-thirds of our income starting in two weeks. That's Armageddon. Unless I stop hanging up on the people who call offering me unsecured credit with interest compounding daily , like what kind of flopsweating owes-money-to-the-mob desperate idiot would do that, oh right, Donald Trump probably, or maybe William H. Macy in Fargo . So yeah: options!

HOWEVER! I have stopped having an aneurysm and threatening to lie down on the floor and never get up and also throwing up Exorcist-styley and crying a lot (I did not do those things, except for the aneurysm!) and now I am staying up all night making new Paypal buttons (DON'T USE THE ONE BELOW! EXCEPT TO PAY WITH "STRIPE"!) to spam at our platform people who will say they can't reproduce the problem and what am I talking about, and can I send them a screenshot wait no make it a screencast, here download this screencast tool, and then they will charge me to make a new widget to fix the one they fucked. And THEN in two weeks we will see if all your payments stopped anyway, and if they all do, we'll deal with it then, LIKE A BOSS!

dance dancing cat GIF    Giphy 

Fuck it, it'll be fine. It's probably not even the same thing, I'm sure I'm overreacting and waaah. The life of a mommyblog publisher is always intense.

emilio estevez 80s movies GIF by absurdnoise    Giphy 

Okay, I got you one (1) tab.

16 Ina Garten Recipes To Channel Your Inner Barefoot Contessa! I choose all of them. (Salon) 

TALK AMONGST YOURSELVES.

PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS WIDGET TO MAKE A RECURRING MONTHLY DONATION WITH PAYPAL, but feel free to get hot and nasty with Stripe. Meanwhile, Stripe users, I FINALLY have a way for you to manage your subscriptions yourself, whether you need to update your card info or change or cancel your own subscription plans. Just have the email address you signed up with at the ready, and this is your link.