Living Brain Donor Herschel Walker Pretty Sure There’s Too Many Damn Trees On The Planet

Why is this a close race?

Senate polls have shown encouraging signs for Democrats. Pennsylvania, where Lt. Gov. John Fetterman regularly humiliates Dr. Mehmet Oz, is currently ranked the most likely seat to flip. Unfortunately, NPR Political Editor Domenico Montanaro considers Democratic Sen. Raphael Warnock’s Georgia seat the second most likely to change hands. That’s a problem because Republican nominee Herschel Walker’s hands are very stupid.

Greatly abusing understatement, Montanaro concedes that Walker “has his issues as a candidate.” Those issues include his multiple not-so-secret kids, his history of domestic violence accusations, and the general sense that he’s only moderately self-aware.

Still, the former NFL and University of Georgia running back has high name ID and appeal among Republicans. And Walker will likely benefit from the gubernatorial race of Republican Brian Kemp, who is currently favored to win reelection. This one will likely be a nail-biter.

Really, Georgia? This isn’t a University of Georgia football game from 40 years ago. This is a US Senate race and no nails should suffer over an election involving imaginary FBI astronaut dragon slayer agent Herschel Walker. 

PREVIOUSLY:

 Herschel Walker’s Pretty Sure He Can Whoop Elie Mystal In Georgia Senate Race 

 10 More Things About Herschel Walker That Are Untrue, Should He Claim Otherwise 

 DOES HERSCHEL WALKER LIE TO HIS OWN CAMPAIGN? YOU BETCHA! ANY MORE SECRET KIDS? YOU NEVER KNOW! 

  Here’s another example of Walker demonstrating how he’s unfit to serve in the Senate or operate heavy machinery. During an appearance Sunday at a Republican Jewish Coalition event, Walker criticized the Inflation Reduction Act, which President Joe Biden just signed into law. He’s a Republican so we’d expect him to oppose anything remotely good and decent, but his reasoning is as fuzzy as a 1980s VHS recording.

“Blindspot for the right - Herschel Walker blasts climate bill: ‘Don’t we have enough trees around here?’”

— Ground News (@Ground News) 1661261130 

WALKER: They continue to try to fool you that they are helping you out. But they’re not ... Because a lot of money is going to trees. You know that, don’t you? We’ve got enough trees. Don’t we have enough trees around here?

No, we don’t have enough trees. Walker sounds like the strawman polluter villain in an episode of "Captain Planet.”

The Washington Post generously suggested that it's "possible Walker might have been referring to a provision in the law that allocates $1.5 billion to the US Forest Service’s Urban and Community Forestry Program.” Sure, anything’s possible. Although, I imagine Walker’s staff trying to brief him on anything relevant is like the FBI teaching Homer Simpson to respond to the name “Homer Thompson.” 

If Walker was referring to the US Forest Service’s Urban and Community Forestry Program, he’s dismissing an organization that does a lot of good work. Middle school students in Gainesville, Florida, have benefitted greatly from the Kids in the Woods program that delivers science instruction through hands-on outdoor activities.

The program also has a positive impact on minority communities, which at least theoretically concern Walker. Studies show that "properly placed and maintained trees can reduce heating and cooling costs by 10 to 20 percent on average within 10 to 15 years after planting.” Trees also reduce pollution and cool the hot streets in crowded cities.

Scientists David Nowak and Eric Greenfield conducted a study documenting national tree patterns and concluded that Atlanta in particular is losing its trees at a rate of .37 percent — the fifth-fastest rate in the country. Walker, a longtime Texas resident, might not know this offhand but Atlanta is a major city in Georgia.

Atlanta is often described as a “city inside a forest” and an urban tree canopy covers almost 48 percent of the city. However, according to journalist Maria Saporta, “[about] 80 percent of Atlanta’s forest and tree canopy is located in single family residential zoning — areas that currently are not protected by a tree ordinance.” There are also no existing provisions to protect historic, old growth trees. During the construction boom of the 1990s, Atlanta lost an average of 27 acres of tree cover per day. 

We can applaud the “urban renaissance” that’s attracting new residents (and making the state as a whole bluer) while also worrying about the environmental impact. There’s an ongoing struggle between maintaining tree cover and constructing more housing.

This is a serious issue, but “we got enough trees” is the simplistic response from a mindless tree stump who’d eagerly serve as a reliable puppet for corporate interests. Georgia voters should spare our nails the trauma and decisively reelect Raphael Warnock.

[ Washington Post / The Daily Beast / WABE ]

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