79-Year-Old British Millionaire Gun Nut Seeks 'Good Breeder,' No Scorpios Need Apply!
Found your new boyfriend.
Are you looking for love? Or maybe to be a fictional homicide victim on an upcoming episode of Midsomer Murders? Do you have very low standards while also meeting some absurdly specific ones? Well, we may have found the man for you (sorry fellas)!
Sir Benjamin Julian Alfred Slade, age 79, son of Sir Michael Nial Slade, 6th Baronet, and Angela Clare Rosalind Chichester, is looking for a woman who is at least 20 years his junior (for tax reasons!) and not that knowledgeable, re: biology, to be his wife and provide him with two male heirs. An heir and a spare, if you will, to ensure that there is an 8th Baronet.
But that’s not all!
While you may think that this is a an opportunity to get yourself a sugar daddy and live a life of luxury, you would be wrong. Rather, it is an opportunity to run his “two castles, an estate and a grouse moor,” and also (obviously) have sexual intercourse with him, and the position only pays $65K a year.
Oh, and he would actually prefer it if you had a fortune yourself. Likely just to ensure that you’re boning him, doing his accounting and legal work as well as whatever it is you’re meant to do with the grouses out of pure, romantic love.
As per The Daily Mail, he has some special requirements:
You must have a shotgun licence, a driving licence (also a helicopter licence would be beneficial), amorial bearings, be able to run two castles, an estate and a grouse moor.
Don’t get too excited if you have amoral bearings, because that is not a typo. He’s literally looking for someone with an official coat of arms.
Legal and accountancy training would be useful. Must be able to breed two sons (don’t mind if she has bred before and is proven).
How open minded of him!
‘A little private capital and income would be helpful. A large fortune would be more helpful!
Would it now?
I am not an expert in these matters, but if you are a 79-year-old man desperately seeking a hot young thing to run your castles and your grouses and have two babies for you … it does not seem like you ought to be the sugar baby in that equation.
‘The candidate would be paid £50,000 ($65K in US dollars) plus a bonus per year and this includes a car, house, expenses, food and holidays.
‘Guardian readers, Scorpios, drug users, alcoholics, Scots, under 5’6’, people from countries beginning with ‘I’ who have green in their flag and people from countries where they don’t wear overcoats in the winter, need not apply!’
This is not the first time that Sir Benjamin has sought a lady friend. Rather, it’s been a decades-long search for the man frequently referred to as “the most right-wing man” in Britain. Ardently disliking practically every single ethnicity on earth does somewhat limit the pool. So far, he’s only managed to have a daughter, which we can assume he does not believe counts for much.
Alas, despite being above 5’6,” a Gemini (not that that’s a real thing) and quite fond of overcoats, I read The Guardian, am half-Irish, half-Italian and have literally zero interest in having any of this man’s babies or taking care of his grouses. So I pass this incredible opportunity to someone else. Or to no one else.
But maybe you? Maybe you are looking at that picture above, of that pasty old man in his ill-fitting suit jacket and thinking “Oh boy, the grouse I would grouse for a piece of that!” In that case, we are not afraid to be servicey!
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