Dear Jennifer Galardi,
I had the unfortunate experience yesterday of reading your latest article for The Federalist, Hell Hath No Fury Like A Single Liberal Woman, all about how your former life as a supposed liberal made you miserable and made it impossible for you to find a romantic partner.
Now, I’m not saying that this is impossible. I don’t think conservatism would even exist if empathy for other human beings was easy all of the time. You would be the authority on that matter.
All of that being said, I do think it is worth considering that practically nothing you cited had a single damn thing to do with being a liberal or a progressive or whatever you want to call it. Indeed, they are what I would call “Jennifer problems,” rather than universal problems which one could apply to such wide swaths of people.
You wrote:
Last month, conservative news host Jesse Kelly told Megyn Kelly on her podcast that “the mentally ill single woman is the beating heart of the Democrat Party.”
He proclaimed over 70 percent of single women vote Democrat. Furthermore, he declared that “studies” show approximately 60 percent of those women had been diagnosed with some sort of mental illness.
Well, firstly, I am going to point out that the “study” you linked to did not back up this assertion. One would have to imagine that if there were “studies,” plural, that finding them would not be difficult.
However! I will grant you that we probably are more likely to be diagnosed with mental illnesses than conservatives are, largely because when we notice that kind of a problem, we tend to try to get it fixed instead of just … leaning right into it.
It is at this point that I am going to note that you work for the Epoch Times, the official news outlet of Falun Gong, a “new religious movement” that believes in the god-like powers of its leader, Li Hongzhi — specifically that he can “levitate, walk through walls and see into the future” — and remind you that there are all kinds of mental illnesses out there.
But let’s move on!
Kelly (the man) joked that everyone knows a woman with “her eyes half bugged out of her skull. … She ruins Thanksgiving every time bragging about her 15th abortion!” While Kelly’s exaggerations made me laugh, I simultaneously thought to myself, Oh crap. He’s talking about me. Or at least who I used to be. And while I’ve not had 15, or even one abortion — thank the Lord — I have been known to ruin a perfectly fine family event.
Again, I am going to say that this is a real “Jennifer problem” and not something that has anything to do with being a liberal.
In the circles I ran, there was a lot of talk about being a “goddess.”
So … that’s your first problem. This probably had a whole lot more to do with “living in California” than with being a liberal, because I can certainly say that this is not a thing I have ever encountered in my whole leftist life, outside of the comedy stylings of Judy Tenuta.
But go on!
We spiritually minded gals were never single through any fault of our own, but because men don’t appreciate “evolved” women who have “done the work” to be in a “conscious” relationship. Of course, being dateless had nothing to do with the fact that such work lends itself to extreme narcissism and an air of arrogance. Humility is not exactly a defining characteristic of the left.
Jennifer. Darling. I’m going to need to ask … was this whole circle just you and Gwyneth Paltrow or were there others?
It is not the fault of the Left if you had weird friends. That, again, is a “Jennifer problem.” I cannot even begin to fathom what this “work” is, and, as a leftist, all I give a damn about is whether or not people are being paid fairly for it.
I became convinced that career success would be as fulfilling, if not more so, than being in a relationship or becoming a mother. Achieving independent “boss lady” status would be my crowning achievement. Newsflash: It has not been. Frankly, it’s difficult managing life and all its challenges alone, particularly financial.
Then perhaps you should care about whether or not people are being paid fairly for their work?
That being said, no one thinks that any one path is going to be endlessly joyous and easy and fulfilling. To assume that you would be entirely fulfilled by a romantic relationship or by being a mother is equally ridiculous — and, frankly, too much responsibility for a partner or a child to bear. There are downsides to every choice we make and not understanding that is childish.
Now, sure! It’s possible that you might have been more happy doing that or choosing to do so now. I wouldn’t tell you not to, if that’s what you want. It’s not my business and I don’t care. Quite frankly, looking at your body of work, I would imagine the world would be much better off should you choose to go down that road.
However, that’s not for everyone. That’s not what everyone wants and people should be able to make that choice for themselves — and if conservatism had its way, they would not. If you think that the lack of choices women were once afforded brought them great satisfaction and fulfillment, perhaps you might need to read The Feminine Mystique (Wonkette commission link!) or perhaps just do a rewatch of “Mad Men.”
The left gives single women like me a lot of rationale to feel better about themselves and the poor choices they’ve made. The message was that sex without commitment is empowering, despite the very real possibility of it leading to dreadful outcomes, including sexual abuse. While being overpowered by a man is never a consequence any woman deserves, women should always be willing to cast a critical eye toward their own behavior. It probably was not the wisest thing for me to dress like a hooker, get drunk, and vow revenge on an ex back in college. My bad.
So what do you want instead? Paternalism? Are you a child who needs other people to make choices for her? If that is the case, then by all means, find someone to do that for you. The rest of us do not. Some people do find sex without commitment empowering, others do not. It is up to all of us to figure these things out for ourselves. Anyone who does anything just because someone else tells them it is “empowering” is an idiot.
Do you imagine that people who don’t “dress like a hooker” or get drunk are not likely to be sexually assaulted? Or that conservative values and shame surrounding sex protect them from that in any capacity? Because if so, perhaps you might want to google “FLDS” or “Branch Davidians” or “The Catholic Church sexual assault” or “Southern Baptist Convention sexual assault” or “Amish sexual assault” or “Josh Duggar” or “Roy Moore” or “Dennis Hastert.” I could go on! Rather easily!
Now, there are a whole lot of conservative religious cultures in which, if someone is sexually assaulted, they are told that it is their fault. In some cases, they even end up getting kicked out for complaining while the assailants are protected, as happened to a girl I knew who was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, and who knows how many others. Personally, I don’t think that’s a good thing.
Clearly, you are a person who, regardless of what your political persuasion is, will rely on other people’s judgment rather than your own — so, once again, we’ve got a “Jennifer problem.”
But victimhood is the necessary tool of the left. While womanhood is not as high on the victim hierarchy as it once was, particularly at a time when many seem to find it difficult to define what a woman is, it can still be used to effectively cry foul against the evil patriarchy.
So we should not “cry foul” when someone is raped?
Beyond that, the idea that “victimhood is the necessary tool of the left” in a world where conservatives are constantly throwing fits over masks and vaccines and trans people merely existing and books they don’t like and “wokeness” and college students and the actual history of this nation and shop clerks not wishing them a Merry Christmas and other people not practicing their religion and being “replaced” by minorities and immigrants and people having sex or relationships they don’t like and celebrities with red shoes eating babies — and so much more! — is beyond ridiculous.
It’s not that we use victimhood as a tool, it is that conservatives are upset that we won’t pretend actual oppression and discrimination do not exist just so they never have to feel uncomfortable or be remotely aware of where they have had advantages over other people, because they all want to pretend that even Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson pulled himself up by his own bootstraps.
Sometimes people actually are victims and pretending they are not so that no one ever has to feel bad is how you get situations like the ones I described above, with regards to the way sexual assault victims are frequently treated in patriarchal conservative cultures.
Leftist policies make it easy for women to avoid the consequences of bad behavior that would normally serve as course correctors, and progressive ideology must always deflect blame. Messy, drunk sex? No problem. The Pill or an abortion will solve that. Just ask Olivia Rodrigo.
Like I always say, anti-abortion shit always comes down to “we must punish the whores!”
But hypothetically, what if a woman can’t get pregnant? Should we do something else to “course correct” her, should she engage in premarital sex? Should she be thrown in prison? Put in the stocks so that the villagers can through rotten vegetables at her? Make her wear a giant red “A” on her clothes? What would be an appropriate punishment in that case? And why, in God’s name, would it be anyone’s fucking business to “course correct” people in that way? Because it would be personally satisfying for conservatives? That’s weird.
Overweight because you don’t take care of your body or your health? Of course, that’s society’s fault for pushing an unrealistic standard of beauty. And who cares because, well — Ozempic! Right, Oprah?
So … the complaint here is that women don’t feel badly enough about themselves? We should throw fat people in prison? What? Do not enough people have eating disorders?
But, of course, there are consequences. It is the depression, unfulfillment, loneliness, and yes, sometimes mental instability that often comes with living a life focused solely on yourself and casting off any sense of responsibility.
Maybe for you! Maybe that is the way you lived your life “as a liberal” and how your life made you feel, but it doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else.
I earnestly tried to understand why I ended up dating the fifth jackass in a month, but I kept looking to the wrong people for help. I did all the things the “experts,” therapists, or, worst of all, life coaches told me to do to find success in dating or a relationship with no success. I’ll never forget the day my so-called shaman told me if I were ready for the relationship I wanted, then he (meaning a partner) would be here by now, implying that I needed to embark on more psychedelic sessions that, of course, lined his pockets and emptied mine. I’ll let you guess which one of us drove around in a Porsche Cayenne.
Ma’am. The Left did not make you pay a goddamned shaman for dating advice. Indeed, the only freaking shaman I know of is this guy:
Sorry, but, much like the anti-vaccine nonsense, there is now far more New Age nonsense on the Right than on the Left — a development I must admit I am not entirely mad at.
Seeking out all of these life coaches and shamans to tell you how to have a relationship is something you chose to do, not a thing that is endemic on the Left. For someone who has such rage built up over the idea that women are not shamed enough for having sex or being overweight or for the way the dress, you sure as hell have no problem foisting the blame for your bad decisions on people who had nothing the hell to do with them.
The danger with all this “self-care” is that women think they are healing when actually, they are morphing into if not a mentally ill, as Kelly points out, then a highly unstable person, becoming more obstinate in their worldview and convinced of their righteousness. Underneath that righteousness is a lot of pain and disappointment, ready to explode at the slightest microaggression or innocent male who attempts to flirt.
Unlike the incredibly stable people of the Right who lost their everloving shit over the idea of there being more than one holiday on a single day.
How are you not exhausted? Really?
For all the talk of female empowerment, progressive women are actually fragile and quite afraid of being labeled as unkind or lacking in empathy, so they rarely question the narrative they’ve been fed. The result is the hypocrisy the left is so well known for — a caring and compassionate veneer with a heart full of judgment and anger. Indeed, hell hath no fury like a single liberal woman.
Again, this is another “Jennifer problem” and it appears that while you may have lost the caring and compassionate veneer, you still have a heart full of judgment and anger that is going to follow you to whatever ideology you fall into next. Your situation has nothing to do with ideology, but with who you are as a person, and who you are as a person is a follower who doesn’t know what the hell to believe. That’s why you didn’t question things, not because you were a liberal. You may have found a new narrative, but you’re still not questioning anything.
I don’t worry about people not thinking I am kind or empathetic, because I’m not putting on an act. If you were, I can see how that would be stressful, but it is, again, a “Jennifer problem.”
I was insufferable and immature. I was exactly the kind of woman Kelly described. I’ve grieved over my past mistakes and missteps and asked for forgiveness, in some cases from particular people, but mostly from God. Because of His grace, I have changed. I am a happier, more peaceful, genuinely confident woman.
That … is not what is coming though here.
I will say this, Jennifer. I am actually glad that you are no longer a liberal, because I absolutely believe you when you say that you were insufferable — probably just as insufferable as you are now — and we don’t need that kind of negative publicity.
But again, literally none of your problems were caused by “being progressive” and it would be super swell if you could not project your own weird issues onto the rest of us.
PREVIOUSLY:
Liberals are afraid of taking responsibility for their behaviour. Here is a 2000 word piece on why it was liberals' fault I did all the things I regret from my youth.
"I earnestly tried to understand why I ended up dating the fifth jackass in a month..."
Well Jennifer, it's possible that you dated five jackasses, but have you considered another possibility?
What's the common denominator between these five jackasses? What's the one thing they all have in common?
I'll give you a minute.