8 Disco Drinks To Try Right Now! Tabs, Fri., March 31, 2023

Morning news roundup!

Donald Trump GO TO JAIL but also FOR REAL! As I was putting this edition of tabs to bed (clicking "schedule") Liz came into the secret chatcave to bring us the tidings of comfort and joy. I got no tab for you!

However! Shy and I had a mini vacay in New York City (no, we did not have a party, despite the no masks anywhere we saw, there is STILL A PANDEMIC) (and last time we had a party, Shy tested positive for COVID the next day, though nobody reported that we SICKENED THEM, probably because they were ALREADY DEAD!) this week, and I brought you this present:

“Suck it Trump bitches”

— Rebecca Schoenkopf, @editrix@wonkodon.com (@Rebecca Schoenkopf, @editrix@wonkodon.com) 1680213883 

Haha, you already saw it because I added it to Evan's BREAKING! NEWS! just now!

Since our old Wonk pal Ali Davis thinks Gwyneth Paltrowhas reversed the Large Hadron Collider Effect, here is Gwyneth (yes, her shit is kooky and grifty and yet she still seems decent!) being decent in her ski ruling. (CNN) 

Hey, Kamala Harris is doing some shit! Here she is in Tanzania, meeting with the first woman president and encouraging some fledgling steps toward "not putting your enemies in jail." (AP) And here she is in Ghana, encouraging the president to not put gay people in jail too either! (Ghana's proposed anti-gay bill still super-shitty.)  (CNN) 

Flailing loser Ron DeSantis is flaaaailing, loser. (Simon Rosenberg substack)Trump is (correctly) savaging DeSantis on cutting Social Security and Medicare. (Jon Chait at New York mag) 

Jim Jordan is just really good at "committee." 

“Parliamentary chaos breaks out in House Judiciary hearing after GOP majority dismisses witnesses without cross-examination: Chair Jim Jordan: “You’ll be given your 5 minutes here.” Rep. Stephen Lynch (D-MA): “They’re not here! ... They have scurried away with your complicity!””

— The Recount (@The Recount) 1680189174 

If you didn't see it in Robyn's post yesterday, do watch Erin in the Morning's video from the Kentucky Lege in its entirety. It will tear your heart.

Every cop is a criminal, but some cops are more criminal than others. "According to the complaint, Segovia, 64, of San Jose, is the Executive Director of the San Jose Police Officers’ Association (SJPOA). The complaint alleges that Segovia used her personal and office computers to order thousands of opioid and other pills to her home and agreed to distribute the drugs elsewhere in the United States." IS THAT BAD, DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE? 

Judge Reed O'Connor outlawed Obamacare again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (CNN / Order)What insurance companies won't have to cover now because Reed O'Connor thinks it's a "substantial" burden on your religious liberty if your employees can not die of AIDS. (Lawdork) 

More on the ugly and uglier race for the Wisconsin state supreme court. — Bill Lueders (of The Progressive) at The Bulwark 

We found it, it's the saddest thing in the world, the monsters cackling when this man lost his beautiful nice son. (Atlantic) 

Which came first, CNN, the egg prices or the egg profits?

DISCO DRINKS. (Liquor) 

If you are shopping at Amazon anyway, the following link gives us a small cut.

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .

Thank you for keeping Wonkette going forever. We love you!