In case you haven’t heard the latest, it would appear that Natalie has convinced Donald Trump that he was one of the first responders to 9/11, and that big burly firemen with tears in their eyes, right out of central casting, had to pull him out of the rubble while crying “Sir! Sir!”
On the morning of 9/11, Trump also bragged about having the tallest building in lower Manhattan (he in fact did not), from which he was able to see Muslims dancing in the streets in New Jersey.
Amazing that he found time in those early days to also be pulled from the rubble as a hero.
So this is just Trump, believing everything is about him, and being a grandiose liar with brain problems, concocting fantastical stories about how he somehow played every character in 9/11, at least all the heroes. During his speech yesterday he whined that a volunteer firefighter who died saving victims is now “more famous than me.” He added, “I don’t like it.”
In Trump’s mind, we guess, he was one of the first responders, and also one of the people who overtook the hijackers to crash Flight 93. We’re sure it’s all part of 9/11: The Musical, which is playing on a loop in his head. He’s the star!
We are derisively making fun of this absolute shithole of a human being, but we want to emphasize that he literally said/lied about/hallucinated so much of that. Trump stood at a 9/11 event yesterday honoring actual first responders, and he lied (LIED, New York Times, LIED, you fucking fascist-protecting cumstains) with some fantastical story about having to be pulled out of the rubble by big burly firefighters sometime very shortly after 9/11. He is now doubling down on the lie on his shitty Twitter knockoff site.
The only parts we embellished are in the fifth graf. To our knowledge, he has not claimed yet to have been a passenger on Flight 93, and no one has yet written 9/11: The Musical as an homage to Trump, but we’re sure Natalie would be willing to take piano lessons. (Did y’all hear he gave her $45,000? She could use some of it for piano lessons.)
Anyway, now, starting tonight, star hallucinator and chief 9/11 hijacker Trump has a sold out show in Dallas. Or at least Natalie has convinced him it’s sold out. Or he’s lying. He sent this out last night, when he wasn’t busy writing 476-word screeds about how he appeared as a bald eagle with a single tear in the night skies over 9/11, like a patriotic bat signal for a nation crying out.
‘Kay.
Guessing Grandpa heard the RNC was giving out free tickets to his snoozefest and he’s desperately trying to seize the narrative, just like he’s doing with 9/11.
Last week, Wonkette had the story about how nobody wants to go to Trump’s fucking midterm convention, not people who are “a little up, a little down, or even” in their races especially, because Donald Trump is absolute dogshit electoral poison.
The Daily Beast reports that the RNC has been “pulling out all the stops” trying to get asses in seats for Fail-A-Palooza, with a public lottery for free tickets with shiny enticements of alleged VIP treatment for the winners, spam texts offering free tickets, trying to get Republican operatives to give away tickets, and so forth. It’s funny because one of the big objections to the event in the first place for members of Congress has been that they’ve been asked to contribute to the grift by paying $25,000 a head for the privilege of being in President 9/11’s presence.
Politico is reporting that Republicans who are attending, all nine of them we guess, are really hoping this event is not all about Trump.
According to interviews with dozens of Republicans, they are largely hoping for a two-pronged approach aimed at getting the president’s committed supporters off the sidelines: a focus on what they call Democrats’ extreme positions and the accomplishments of the Republican Congress — most of which are now more than a year old.
It’s good to have things to hope for, we guess.
Hey, what if we told you Attorney General Todd Blanche is appearing, in his capacity as Donald Trump’s personal fluffer and peanut-butter-loving purse dog? Because he is.
Melania won’t be there, though, not that anybody ever assumed she would.
Maybe you can get your picture made with Natalie, though. Might be cool to meet the woman behind the AI slop hallucinations that are running this country right now.
Have the midterm Trump convention you deserve, Republicans! We’re sure it’ll help all your election prospects in November and he won’t just use all his speeches to starfuck 9/11, like a demented fucking freak.
[Politico]
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Stolen valor is offensive to me as a 1st responder. I spent 10 days at WTC7 as as member of USAR team Texas Task Force 2 not to do rescues but to stop diesel fuel and water leaks in the subway stations so NYC could still move. Fuck you Donald.
Dallas, you say?
Oh, the writers this season are such *teases*.